Expert: ziggy ziegler - 8/15/2010

Question
Hi , I'm having some trouble with my sub, my sub say's that this is what he wants but yet he has a girlfriend on the side, we don't live together and i believe he has online master slave relationships. now I'd like to know how to deal with this without going over the top. could you tell me how i could go about dealing with this ?

Answer
Dear Ms Naisha

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope that I might offer you some useful advice.

So much of what we do in D/s relationships is based on trust. I believe that among those who set out on the course of developing D/s and M/s relationships do so after carefully examining their wants needs and desires. In addition this lifestyle often allows for a variety of situations.. other partners in poly relationships, so on and so forth. The variety of relationship dynamics is boundless and is unique to the individuals. No matter what the variation or flavor anything that we do with each others MUST reflect trust, honor and respect.

Always trust your instincts Ms Naisha it will never let you down.

I realize that I am not there and do not know either of you so i will offer a generalization based on my personal experience. One thing i had to consider when starting out with a person was what is it "I " want from the relationship. Some people are ok with their partners having others. I discovered, try as i may, i was not ok with it. Therefore,if a potential Mistress wants more than one slave, we are not going to work out.

There are some people that would advise you confronting you sub about your suspicions. That is one approach. Another approach might be to sit down and have an honest discussion about YOUR wants needs and desires. He may very well want to have this D/s experience with you but on his terms. He may want this but only when he can fit it into all of the other things going on in his life. You on the other hand may want and expect that the sub be available and loyal with regards to other Mistresses or Masters. He may not think that what he is doing online is being disloyal. Again i am offering generalizations.

Your subject line is BEGINNER MISTRESS; You may not have oodles of experience as a Mistress but please don't sell yourself short. Discover what you want from your sub and lay that out for him. Bear in mind that he may need something different. That is ok better you should discover that now then to have your suspicions validated on accident.

There maybe other things to take a look at. For example does his girl friend know about you. A good way to see how someone will treat you is to watch how they treat others. If he is not open with his girl friend or with other people there is a good chance he is not going to open and honest with you.

Ms Naisha Do you trust him? I believe is the question. For me if i don't trust someone i can not be with them on any level. There are other submissives out there who will honor your relationship by being honest. I am not recommending a release of this person but i am recommending and open and honest discussion about what you need from him and where you will draw line if he is not able to offer you what you want and need. It stinks but in the end it will allow you to be with submissives that have wants and needs that are compatible with what you want and need.

Trust your instincts Ma'am

I wish you the very best...

warmest regards
slave ziggy