Expert: awhitecloud - 9/24/2010

Question
I am not currently involved in the BDSM Lifestyle, but I am very curious
about it. I read a lot of erotica centered around BDSM and it really turns
me on. I really enjoy the idea of being submissive to someones sexual
desires; however, there are some aspects of the lifestyle I just do not
understand.
First, why in almost all the postings I read do doms have to refer to subs
as "bitch" and "slut"? Does wanting to be dominated automatically give
someone the right to completely disrespect me?
All the sites I looked on talked about humiliation and punishment.
What's up with the humiliation stuff? Why would someone want to
humiliate someone and still expect that person to be willing to have sex?
Also, it seems like many involved in the BDSM lifestyle do not just follow
the roles in the bedroom but also in all other things. Can a sub not be on
equal footing outside of the bedroom?
I guess many of the erotica books I've read have painted an unrealistic
picture for me. They make it seem like inside the bedroom the dom runs
it all, but outside the bedroom the dom would do literally anything for
the sub because they appreciate them so much for being submissive.
I just don't like the idea of someone thinking they can run me and my
life outside the bedroom. Other than sexually, I have a pretty dominant
personality and I run the show. Would this make me a bad sub sexually?  

Answer
hello,

Okay a lot are into humiliation but that is not for everyone.

Erotica is not real life and yes it is more about what someone wants to live in a fantasy.

Well you can join www.fetlife.com and then just join some groups and have then talk with others it will help you to see as well understand what happens in a true D/s relationship.

Well there are some relationships that only have subs in the bedroom and no other time. Some wish to live the lifestyle in there lives every day.

I have not been with a Dom that is a sub outside the bedroom at all because they reward me for being a sub.  I know when he looks at me who he is and what his place and role is. They has never turned into a sub outside the bedroom, he is the Dom inside it as well outside of the bedroom. He may help with things when I need it, but he rules over every aspect of my life. He has defined how I am to act at home as well in public, for this is pleasing to him, and that is my goal.

it is a two way street, and if I am working late or what ever, yes he can vacuum and do the disses sometimes even help with the wash, but that does not make him less a Dom just human and it takes both to make the relationship work.  I am treated at times with things as a reward for my good behavior, and that just makes my heart leap more to love this man.

Well if you join fetlife look me up I would be happy to talk with you I use the same name there.

Thank you for the question and I wish you well.

awhitecloud