Expert: Robert Rubel - 9/14/2010

Question
Hi, I'm an experienced sub in a relationship with a very inexperienced dom. The thing is, he has asked me to call him "Master" during play. Since our relationship is not anywhere close to total power exchange, It's difficult for me to be comfortable with the idea of calling him Master. The fact is that he isn't a Master. He's a dom at best and while I love him and love the fact that he tries, I know better. I brought it up to him one day that it made me uncomfortable and he asked me to pick another title. I'm really picky about my words so I'm having a hard time picking something. A lot of the people we hang out with are into the scene as well so I need something that I would be comfortable calling him in public, or at least around my close circle of friends.

Can you help me come up with some ideas? I thought about "Sir" but we tried it the other day and it doesn't seem to fit. Maybe I'm just being too picky but if I have the opportunity to choose, I'd like to pick the right thing.

Answer
I fully agree with you.  I'm a word guy, myself.  

To give your Dom an idea of why "Master" is choking in your throat, you might suggest a book to him:

The Leatherman's Protocol Handbook: A handbook on "Old Guard" rituals, traditions, and protocols (John Weal)  It's only been out a month or so.

While the writing isn't the best, it's the only book in print that describes what it was like to earn your "Sir" and "Master" titles in the 1950s and 60s.  He was brought into Leather by a WWII vet.  Motorcycles and the whole thing.

Now, if you wish him to know something of the modern-day Master in a heterosexual context, then I'd suggest that you look up my book on Amazon:

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (Robert Rubel)

My personal suggestion for you is to use: Sire

You also might want to send him to Fetlife.com to look over some of the writings in the Master/slave groups.  If you sign up, you're welcome to link to me: Dr_Bob (not the guy in Australia).

Keep him away from the Internet on this topic.  It's a fantasy land.

Bob