Expert: awhitecloud - 1/28/2011

Question
I am college student who needs so help, I apologize in advance for the length. My current girlfriend and I have been together for a number of years. I have been interested in bdsm ever since sometime in my teens however knowning it was taboo I decided to ignore it. Growing up I never mentioned it to any girls I had dated or knew, and with self control I figured I could keep those desires away, so I guess I repressed them, and just stuck at looking at stuff online.
However a while ago my girlfriend expressed interest in submissive tendencies saying she was interested in trying s&m saying she didn’t want to be in control. I had only engaged in extremely light bondage play with her before. I was amazed that I with D tendencies had by chance met someone with S tendencies. She pointed me to a story she had been reading online which focused on the emotional aspect of s&m rather than the sexually.
This came as a shock and seems to have completely demolished the self-restraint I had built up over the years. I felt a sense of excitement I had felt for a while and couldn’t sleep that night. A few days have passed and now when I try to bring it up she plays coy, but now I can’t focus and I have found these thoughts distracting my mind much of the day.  I was just asking for any advice on how to handle the situation, and kind of just needed to get it off my chest I think. Even though I see stuff online I am beyond amateur.

Answer
well then maybe just sit her down and make some rules and tell her how you wish her to behave and work on the things you want to change.  Ask her if there are things in her life she would like to change about herself, then incorporate them into your rules.

Take the steps do not play around make the rules and expectations clear and set out what the punishments will be fore not complying.  See what happens!

This should help you to begin to focus your self as well, set up a night of the week for play and remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THEN WORDS.  You have to get on your game and watch and follow through each and every-time.  

This will draw more of the Dom in you out, make notes have her start keeping a journal.  Make sure you read it and know and understand what she says and is thinking as well feeling.  Remember anything written in her journal can not be punished for, this is a safe place and you most keep it that way if your going to have her to continue to with that she is feeling.

Make a list of the things you wish to try in play, and then work on them slowly and have her make a list of the things she would like to do in play, and add them into your list.  

I am not sure if this will help you at all, as i am a sub and not a Dom.  But I hope it gives you something to think about and some sort of direction, even if very small.

thanks for your question it was something that make me think beck to how things started in my own life.  

awhitecloud