Expert: ziggy ziegler - 1/18/2011

Question
I have been a sub since I was first married at 16 years. I learned from him for the 10 years we were married and new exactly what he wanted and needed. Since the divorce I have been searching for a new Dom. The man I have been with now for about 1yr and 1/2 has been very interested as of late. He has never been in a Dom position that I know of. My last Dom knew exactly how to get what he wanted. With this man I am unsure of his needs and wants and not sure how to get him to let me know. I am so confused because I want so badly to please him but do not know what makes him tick. He acts like he wants to punish me at times but also as if he is afraid to do so. Is there any suggestions you can make so I can get him to be more Dominant and break out of his shell? Or is it a lost cause? Should I just allow him to do it his way? I mean I am the sub no less. Thanks for any help you can give me.

Answer
Greetings Tiffany.

Thank you for your question.

In my journey as a slave i have had a couple of different owners, each one vastly different from the other so i can empathize and sympathize with how difficult the learning process can be for a slave with a new master.

What i found also was that those relationships that i had that were not intended to be enduring but more for experience; i tended to want the strict and unyeilding mastery that i dreamed about. As i get older and have a relationship that is more enduring (ten years next month)it has become more important to me that my owner act upon her master in a real and authentic way. It can be hard sometimes because i wish ( as i am sure a lot slaves feel) she was a little harder on me but then again that isnt her. She expects that i actualize my slavery from within. When i really think about it, i want her to accept me as i am as well.

I believe that one of the things that attract us to this lifestyle is the authenticity that we get to experience... I have to remember that when i just want her to ...........

I do believe that as he develops he will gain more confidence. We have to remember that mastery is a step aside from the cultural and social norms of our society today. For new masters, they may be interested but hold back and struggle internally, while they "feel their way around" so to speak. Sometimes its helpful for them to be around other masters (real time) so that they have some examples and ideas to work with. Nonetheless, please don't give up... take your time and grow together and remember there is a whole new world out there for you and him both....

I think you are on the right track and sounds like you are very knowledgable....awesome ... hang in there

warmest regards
slave ziggy