BDSM/help!

Advertisement


Question
sorry, I forgot to ask u,
is it possible for a dom to have any feelings for a sub? can a sadist love a masochist?

Many many thanks in advance!

M.

Answer
Hi, Mercury...

Whether or not one person loves another is a separate variable from whether or not they are a sadist or masochist.  Ditto for being a Dom or a sub, or a Master or slave.  

Normally, people who are emotionally connected love one another to some degree.  If you're emotionally connected enough to be living with him, an outsider would expect that you love one another.

However, there are any number of situations/conditions where one or both partners are together for other reasons -- financial, practicality, easiest path...  Also, and this is really important, some people can have emotional scars from childhood that block them from feeling very much.  I'm one of those -- I can't identify virtually ANY feelings short of terror or extreme happiness.  I also have lived my life (I'm 67) not really having a deep emotional bond with my wives (17 years and 14 years and then a Significant Other for 10 years).  You also might wish to look up "Asperger Syndrome" on Wikipedia, as about one in 300 men have some degree of the Syndrome.  Emotional disconnect is one of the primary characteristics.  

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Robert Rubel

Expertise

Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.

Experience

Author of: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice; Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled: Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.) M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course; M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category. ... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.

Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I

Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.