Expert: Robert Rubel - 12/30/2011

Question
QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have recently decided to become involved in a M/s relationship, and we are fairly new to this, although both he and I have dabbled on our own before we started dating one another. He is thinking of having me choose a slave name, and I am entirely unsure of how to go about doing this (although it has been suggested that I use his initials or some part of his name). I am becoming frustrated with this as all the answers I receive are very unclear. Can you please help me figure out the best way to go about coming up with several choices for Him? I greatly appreciate any input you may have. (and please break it down as simply as you are able to, thank you)

ANSWER: Hi, Crystal, or is it slave crystal?

The very fact that he's asked you to name yourself suggests that he doesn't understand what he's proposing to do.  If you are his property, it's up to him to name you.  Once you've signed your contract with him he both directs 100% of your life but is RESPONSIBLE for 100% of your well-being.  Psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial, educational well being (and if I didn't name it, he's still responsible for it).  In exchange for the complete protection, you are pledging to serve and to obey him.

Master/slave structures are very different between the Leather and the Not-Leather subcultures.  Not-Leather = BDSM.  This sentence probably won't make much sense to you until you do a fair amount of research/reading/talking with people who have been doing M/s for over 5 years (preferably over 10 years, but I doubt that you'll find anyone).

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Outstanding M/s Resources...

http://www.enslavement.org.uk/ [Nice and cerebral – great articles, especially on “internal enslavement – IE]

http://www.bornslaves.com/index.html [Key site]

http://www.mastertaino.com/articles.htm [Some very powerful articles written by very powerful Masters]

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Core Readings for Master/slave

•   Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel (This will provide your best opportunity to get an overall understanding of Master/slave relationships.)
•   Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel
•   Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – the advanced course by Robert J. Rubel•   SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools by Guy Baldwin
•   Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice by Guy Baldwin
•   Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
•   Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household by Machele Kindle (Master Fire)
•   The Leatherman’s Protocol Handbook by John D. Weal (Please start with this in order to understand Master/slave relationships as practiced by the Leather community.)
•   Ask the man who Owns Him by david stein with David Schachter
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I STRONGLY recommend that you attend some weekend Master/slave conferences
There are six conferences held around the US that are specifically for people practicing Master/slave relationships.  These are:
•   International Master/slave Conference, Dallas, March (the largest of them all)
•   Northwest Master/slave Conference, San Jose, CA, March or April
•   Southeast Leather Conference, Atlanta, April
•   Great Lakes Leather Alliance, Indianapolis, IN, August
•   Master/slave Conference, Washington DC., August
•   Southwest Leather Conference, Phoenix, January


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I also STRONGLY urge you to join www.fetlife.com  It's free.  Check out the Master/slave groups -- there are many with slightly different emphases.

If you join Fetlife, I'm Dr_Bob.  You are welcome to join my friends list.

In Leather,

Bob




---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am guessing I did not make myself clear. He has asked me to present him with a list of names for him to choose from as possibilities for my new slave name. Yes, I am slave Crystal. And yes, I am guessing we are non-Leather. I appreciate your response and the resources you have given me. But now that I have clarified, do you have any suggestions as to how I can come up with possible slave names to present to my Master?

Answer
Ah, okay.  Got it, thanks for writing back.

My second wife was so mad at her ex that she decided to rename herself -- so I've been through this.  (She actually decided to give herself a new first and last name in order to express that she was a different person in this new relationship with me.)

We started out writing down our own favorite female names.  We then tried to identify the part of the world that the name would unconsciously trigger in others. We decided that we wanted a name that was a little exotic -- European.

Along the way we consulted a number of baby books -- now you do that on the Internet and can specify the age group so it will tell you the most popular male/female names for those kids.   

Finally (and this is going to sound a little eccentric) we held a "Name That Dame" contest at one of the dances we attended (we were very active social dancers -- lots of lessons).

We ended up with Renee Simone St James

Now, as this applies to you, you need to decide whether you want a contemporary name, a name for an earlier century, or even a slave name from antiquity.  If the latter, then some Internet research is in order.  To see what one might find doing such a search, I came across this, which seems to answer your question rather nicely...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091011171602AAD7oZx

Hope that helps,

Bob