Expert: Master Nanuck - 12/13/2011

Question
Hello there, I was hoping to get some advice and I'm not sure who else to go to at this point.  Basically my husband and I have been married a year and together for a total of six years.  I completely trust him and love him to death.  The thing is I had been keeping a secret from him, from a pretty young age I been very interested in the M/s lifestyle.  Yet my partner seemed to always have submissive ways about him and I quickly became the dominant one in our relationship.  I hated it so much but still I kept silent and did my best to push my submissive ways to the side.  Just the other day I had enough and told him straight out, "I want you to be my Master."  I was pretty sure he was going to get up and reject it but he gave me a smile that I don't think I'll ever forget.  He just said he wished I had told him sooner! It was very emotional and I was able to express a part of me that I kept hidden for such a long time.  I couldn’t bear to keep the secret anymore, or hold back.  

So of course I'm excited, but our relationship is about to do a 360.  First off, I have been studying M/s relationships for a long time, while he hasn't.  Of course I could just hand him a book, but I know an M/s relationship is different for each pair.  Then there is the fact that I have no idea how far he wants to take this.  I know communication is key, but still I just don't know how to introduce him more to the lifestyle.  He isn’t even completely sure what he wants.

What would make him fit into the shoes of a Master when we have been living together so long without M/s being in our life?  I don't want to just be a play slave, I want to live and breathe the lifestyle.  I know starting out slow is important but even those first steps are quite hard.  Especially since it seems like I'll be the one leading.

Answer
kay

You are right, this relationship differs by couple or group.  And being new at this; well he will need to get exposed to it.  There are numerous sites that are available to help and a little research on the web will yield a myriad of sources for the both of you.

My key suggestion is to get him involved in FetLife first, and then look for a local group or munches to attend.  This will allow both of you to grow within a community and expand your horizons.  It may not hurt to find others like you in the area where you can interact with and discover or support each other.

This is a time for discovery, enjoy it and take it as it comes.  Remember now he is the lead; so stop trying to top from the bottom.

Aramock Nanuck
Mentor and Master