Expert: awhitecloud - 12/28/2011

Question
QUESTION: I'm not real sure were to start except by saying all my life I knew I was missing something that I needed, and almost in a desperate way. Then at 30 I read about BDSM and I swear it took my breath away, it was almost like drowning and taking that breath you need to survive. I started reading and doing my home work. Well after two failed realtionships and thinking I'd never find anyone who understands and 12 long years later in walks this man into my life and from the first meeting I felt this shiver like being shocked by something electrical. Problem was he was seeing someone else and so was I. I tried my hardest to stay away from this man because he seemed to have this invisable power over me and I didn't know why. Well wouldn't you know we started talking and it hit us both. We started talking everyday so much it was almost like being addicted. After 3 months of talking I felt like this man was the other half of me. Sounds corney I know, but it's true. Now it's been 2 yrs. He's single and I'm about to be. There has never been a day in these 2 yrs that I haven't thought about him. And come to find out he was calling friends and family the whole time checking on me. We never had sex it was just a true connection but now that we are this close to truly being together why am I scared to death. WHY does man hold so much power over me? What am I scared of???

ANSWER: Please forgive me for the delay, as I was out of town.

You sometimes are scared of what deep inside you that is a need and a desire to hold.  this can be good as well bad.  Most of the time well it can be hard to let go of the fear and just go for it.  I am not telling you t do this at all.  I am telling you to date him and try to find out what the fear is.  Keep notes of when the scared feeling are the highest.  Try to see if there becomes a pattern to this.  Try to write out each day your thoughts and feeling toward this man and once a week look over what you have written and see if any thing jumps out at you.  If well reading what you wrote that scared feeling comes back.  

It might take you some time, but he has waited this long what will a little bit more do?  Spend some real time with him, coffee,walks a visit to an art gallery.  places where you can watch how he acts and you can get to talk and understand him better.  

Also be on your guard the fact that he has been checking up on you, scares me some and sets off a red flag.  That is close to stocking.  But get to know him, just do not look at the fact you feel connected to him.

I hope this has helped you some if even in a small way, be careful and safe most of all. Once again I am sorry for my delay, as I forgot to set my vacation calender here.

let me know if there is anything else I can do, and please just be safe.

awhitecloud

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much..I get the feeling that I'm just being used for sex with this man..only there has never been any sex..
But your right, I'll be on guard and get to know him better first. This is going to be a long process isn't it? I never knew things could be so complicated. Thank you again.

Answer
yes learning about yourself can be a long journey, but one that will allow you to grow and to learn so much, just keep an open mind well your looking into yourself.  Do not judge yourself, anything that you think is not wrong, it can be squeezed but it is never wrong.  There is no correct way on how one thinks.  Just keep your head up and look at things in life as you needing to see how it works into your life, and if you can not see it there, well leave it behind and just let it go.

Best of luck if you are on www.fetlife.com well look me up I have the same user name.

Be well,

awhitecloud