Expert: CC - 12/15/2011

Question
Hi. Me and my husband have been married for quite a while now and we have a very healthy sex life. However, I want to improve our sex life even more but first let me tell you a little about us. First of all, most people would say that I wear the "pants" in our relationship (I make more money than my husband does, I make all the key decisions, and my husband takes longer to get ready in the washroom than I do). :)

So, my husband's more of the sensitive type and I really like that about him. However, when it comes to sex, I want him to be more aggressive and I don't know exactly how to tell him this. Well actually, I don't want him to just be a little more aggressive (I want him to completely dominate me). My biggest fantasy that I have is that I want my husband to piss on me but I don't know if it'll ever happen. Me and husband don't have arguments a lot but when we do, he always gives in and lets me "win". During one of our arguments, I want him to just call me a bitch and tell me to shut up, grab me by my hair, stick his penis in my mouth, and start throatfucking me. I know that this is really extreme but I can't stop thinking about it. Then, I want him to slap me with his dick a few times and then eventually piss all over me.

I want to tell my husband about this fantasy but I don't know he'll react. And I know that if he agrees to do it, it won't excite me as much as if it "just happened" but it's better than nothing. First of all, I want to know if my fantasy is normal or not. Second of all, do you think I should tell my husband or just keep it to myself forever? By the way, the main part of my fantasy isn't my husband pissing on me (so, I don't think I have a fetish for urine). The main part that turns me on is my husband interrupting me in a rude way by putting his dick in my mouth. For example, when I'm talking about my day and my husband doesn't want to hear about it (I can sense that sometimes) or when I'm lecturing him about something he did wrong, I want him to just shove his penis in my mouth to get me to shut up (and I'd start sucking his penis and we would go on from there). So, do you think I should tell my husband about my fantasy or is it too weird to ever let him know about it? Thanks for helping.

Answer
It is true that not all fetishes are embraces by everyone. Some are embraced while others are disdained by others. However the underlying aspect might just come down core relationship issues of trust, communication and transparency.

While some issues may well make one uncomfortable talking about initially it is important to have trust and transparency so that nothing is ‘off the table’.  It is not always easy to get to that place but it is my opinion that the struggle to get that point is the pivot point to making, building and sustaining successful relationships be that talking about sexual fantasies, desires or who is in charge of the bills or what your future together should look like.  

If that is the transparency you desire in your relationship it is a decision only you can make.  The point in question is seldom the actual issue but rather how open, transparent and accepting you are of yourself and each other.  If you do not come to that point there will always be ‘something else’ that you will question. Once you come to transparency, trust and acceptance then any individual issue can be openly discussed without apprehension or fear regardless of the topic.

I hope that this response may have you look at the actual issue behind the apprehension you feel over this particular topic.

Regards,

CC