Expert: ziggy ziegler - 2/26/2011

Question
Hi Ziggy,

I was wondering if there was a proper way to end things with my current Master.  We have had this on/off relationship for about a year.  The thing is that he was my first one with whom I really explored all this with and so I feel bad wanting to explore someone new but I would like to try a new Dom.   What do I say to him or how do I "free" myself from this situation without hurting him?  I know him well enough to say that he's will say to me that "it's not my choice because as slave I don't have choices."  
HELP!
Thanks so much!

Answer
Hello There Lisa

I believe that as much care as we take to get into M/s relationships. There should be the same care in leaving it.

When it comes to needing to move on because the relationship is no longer fulfilling, to me falls outside the idea of slaves have no choice. As a good friend used to say. "My slaves reserve the right to vote with their feet." His thinking was why would i want to have someone who doesn't want to be here.

Having said that I do think that how you handle yourself in dissolving your relationship is extremely important. ( well in my way of thinking) I have only had to ask for release once. It was simply a matter of needing different things (sounds like what you are saying)

I spent sometime thinking about all of the things i had learned while in the relationship. Often times all we can think about is how things aren't working and how we need to be somewhere else. Thinking of these things and writing them down honors what we have gained in the relationship.

Then moving on to what we need in a relationship. Address the main areas of compatibility. Core values...  Interests in and outside of the lifestyle.. Communication style.. availability (physical and emotional) Play needs.... sexual compatibility.... life goals.... community involvement... trust level... relationship goals..... Spiritual compatibility... approach to life... you can go on and on with  various areas you need to have in a relationship... To include the level of power exchange desire. Sit with those ideas and as with the things you learned, write them down....Take your time and make sure you are clear in how you feel and what you need...before you approach your Sir...

I don't know if you live with him or not or if you are some distance away... If you are near each other i would definitely take time to sit down with him. If  you are a distance away make sure you don't do this via email.. if you can talk with him via phone that would be the better option... optimally in person... its not easy but if you are sure this is what you want and need to do than doing it face to face is the best way. Definitely builds character.

After you share this with him i would say a letter of release is in order..  In that letter i would share what you have learned and what you need at this point in your life and in your journey as a slave and then end the release letter with a thank you. I am sure he did offer you a chance to explore the lifestyle and your love of kink..

I hope i have been helpful... i am sorry to hear that things are not as you would like, but if you are not happy and need something else its best to be up front and honest.

Best wishes to you
Slave ziggy