Expert: ziggy ziegler - 2/28/2011

Question
I am interested in learning how to become a good Dominant/Master for my wife who is interested in being a Submissive.  We have been married for 20+ years, happily.  Recently our kids have moved on to college, and as a result, my wife has revealed a bit more of her kinkier side.  

I must admit,  this is a shared fantasy,  but due to our "Church" background, not something either one of us ever brought up, prior to now.  So now the challenge.  Where and how do you learn to become a Dominant/Master?

My wife is not yet interested in any "Club" or public sharing of our bedroom play.  However, she does not object to me getting to know others in order to expand my abilities to be the dominant she wants.

How can I link up with a local or even out of town group, with the knowledge that I am only interested in learning, but NOT interested in any other partners.  We have a strong and faithful marriage and would like to keep it that way :-)

But I do believe that there are others out there that I could benefit from talking to and perhaps even observing as I learn how the Dominant/Submissive interacts with one another.

Could you assist me with some first steps with a focus on meeting others in a safe manner?

Answer
Greettings

Thank you for your question.

There are a number of ways to get in touch with others.. below are a few sites that are also events around the country that go on almost every month out of the year..

FetLife.com is a large site you can search for groups in your area as well and events..

Master slave conference is held each year over the labor day weekend.. Great workshops and a wide variety of folks to talk with.

For a group in your area i would recommend Google "BDSM" and your state and town...

I have also heard of "Christians for BDSM" groups but not sure if that is an actual group or a group online,, It might be interesting to see what their perspective is..on the D/s aspect.

There is MasT Masters and slaves Together.. a group that is national with chapters in most every major city.. This group  is strictly relationship oriented and is open to everyone who is interested or in a master slave relationship...( they do accept singles but its mainly for couples.

Google "BDSM Events.." That should give you a list of events in your region... not to mention events in other areas,, most are in vacation destinations so its nice for a short trip.


Meeting people in a safe way..

Once you have found a group that might be of interest.

I would email that list/group owner, group president...( who ever is listed on the website) And let them know you are interested in attending a munch (dinner or lunch type social) most groups require you to do that anyway.. This is great because there is no play ( spanking or whatever) its a plain social usually in the back room of a restaurant.. You can get a feel for the group and the group can get a feel for you. Most groups want you to attend at least two of those before going to any of their educational or play parties.

Get to know people you are drawn to at the groups events is a wise.... most people who are a part of and active in groups tend to be vetable.. you can see how they interact with other group members. Events are pretty much the same but i like recommending groups because those who run the groups dont tolerate certain behaviors that are not acceptable in polite society..(smiles) Not to worry about doing something wrong.. if there are special rules the group leaders with let you.

I dont recommend meeting people off then net and inviting them to your home....without first meeting them at a public place a couple of times. Use the usual precautions you would with anyone. Most of the scene/lifestyle is using common sense... and listen to your gut,, if it doesnt feel right i probably is not...

I hope i have offered you some tips to get started. Best wishes to you both... remember something really important..... have fun and enjoy the journey..

Many blessings
slave ziggy