Expert: Robert Rubel - 3/14/2011

Question
I would say that I have experience as a submissive. I am beginning a D/s relationship. I am not involved in a public scene of any kind except fetlife (newly)

I have seen status' set as "pet of" and "toy of" , and many others besides "slave to"

what is the difference between a status of Pet or Toy? or is this just semantics for any relationship that is NOT a M/s relationship or a Dom/Sub relationship?

Answer
Hi, Odalisque,

No, not the same as M/s.  Usually.  All relationship structures are unique to the couple, so they can call it what they wish.

To my way of thinking, a "pet" is just that, a pet.  They have dog or cat energy.  In this kind of structure, there are two kinds of pets -- those who like to play at being a pet and those who (when they get into "pet headspace") actually ARE -- in actions and thinking -- essentially a dog or a cat.  Thus, a dog may curl up at it's owner's feet but without any notice jump up and whine that they need to go out (or to the bathroom).  They may have a different whimper for "I'm hungry".  They may wear "stuff" that is pup-like.  (Do an Internet and Amazon search for material on this.  THE DVD is "Pup" -- which may be hard to track down; it features pup tim (a member of Master Skip Chasey's Family).  The principal book is "Woof".  It's a gay book, but nonetheless, about the only book out there.  [Related: pony play.]

"Toy of" is a sexual relationship.  My slave is a sex slave, but I've never referred to her as my "toy" as we're in a rather protocol-heavy M/s structure.  I'd say that "toy" is less formal and psychologically lighter.

But all this varies among couples.  So it is what you want it to be or what you and your partner choose it to be.

+++

No, it's not semantics for a "Not-M/s or D/s relationship".  These are all part of the not-vanilla continuum of relationship structures.  But there is no rulebook.

Bottom line: Remember Rule One for kink...  It's supposed to be fun.  If one structure doesn't work so well with your partner, come up with a different structure -- don't discard the person.

Hope this helps,

Bob