Expert: ziggy ziegler - 3/28/2011

Question
Hello,

I'm just starting a new relationship with a new man who is dominant. We've had a session together where he tied me up with three restraints, and we both want to take it further. The issue of trust has been discussed fully, and he is willing to respect my limits.

He's recently asked me if I've heard of subspace, and I hadn't, as I've only indulged in minor BDSM previously with a long term partner. I think this is something he wants me to get to, and I have concerns. I've done some reading up on it, and most of the information seems to assert that this is a state of mind, caused by a flood of endorphins to the body. My question, I suppose, is what this is really, what happens, and what precautions should I be taking in relation to it?

Many thanks for your consideration.

Answer
Greetings Cait.

Thank you for your question...

There seems to be a variety of definitions for subspace. I will make an attempt to share with you my experience with subspace...

First let me say that you are on the right track with regards to trust. I think with any relationship where power is exchanged the element of trust is paramount...

I started by experiencing bottom-space.. A floaty feeling on gets with endorphins are released during play..(sm) Its a very yummy feeling... the more intense the session the more endorphins. Often times this term is interchanged with with subspace but i actually see them as different.

For me subspace is that feeling i get when Mistress gives me that look and then pulls me close to her has me kneel at her feet... Its those things she does and the way that we interact that draws me into that space. For me it is the relationship that we have built that makes subspace work for me...the outside worlds isnt so supportive of that headspace but the wonderful thing is that our power exchange relationships do.

I believe subspace is something that comes as you trust your owner/dominant..Take time it will come...

Precautions, i would say take your time and make sure that the person you surrender to is a worthy and compatible partner/Dom/Master. For bottom space as well as subspace you want to make sure that the play is at the level of the skill of the dom..Some submissives can become physically and emotionally vulnerable and you would want to know that the top or dom is prepared  to deal with anything you might be feeling...I say to take is slowly because you never know how things will effect you... for example: i used to do cathartic play which is meant to help me release some stuff that gets pined up.. the top /dom has to know that if i begin to cry that they should continue until i stop.. if they dont then i dont get the release.. This is a rather extreme example but one never knows what lies beneath the surface. Another example. is that i love breath play.. but when i first started out i would get into bottom space every thing would be ok and then the top grabbed my neck on the left side.. i got jerked out of bottom space and became intensely afraid ( not in a good way).. he brought me make to "ground level" and we talked about it...i had been chocked before in a relationship i was in.... i guess it stuck with me... My point hun is that its really important to got slow and then if things do come up you and your dominant can work them out.

I wish you the very best of luck and tons of happiness with your Dominant.. it is truly a wonderful life

Warmest regards
slave ziggy