Expert: awhitecloud - 3/15/2011

Question
QUESTION: HI, my wife and I have been together for 18 years. Within the last year she has been playing an online game dabbling in the bdsm lifestyle. She has met someone in this game that has become her master and she is his slave. This person wants her in the game and in the real world, in a long distance relationship. He wants pictures, videos, daily reports and constant communication with her at all times through skype and a webcam. She has agreed to this but I am not ok with this. We have 2 young kids at home and I do not feel it is safe or acceptable. I do not understand this lifestyle. I have done some reading and research but I just don't get it.  We have discussed this at great length, been in therapy, fought about it, cried about it and talked some more. We are at opposite ends of this issue and I don't know what to do anymore...She is set on doing this at any cost it seems. I am not sure what my question is, other than what can I do to save our marriage?

ANSWER: Griffin,

First and foremost I do not feel that someone should demand that much of her, if he really cares about her and her well being.  to be with someone that is married as a Dom, means there needs to be allowances for your personal as well family time.  He would get what ever was left.  

I know many that do have a Dom outside of the marriage, but normally it is a local person in who the Married couple has both meet with and gone to great length with to make sure all needs are meet.

It can work well as well to help on different aspects of even everyday life inside and out side your home.  A sub has a desire to please, but you and your children should come first and then your home and then to work with another.  Maybe you could join www.fetlife.com look for groups in your area and attend munches and try to get a better understanding of the lifestyle over all.  I would even look for people that are willing to meet and talk and well see if you can find her someone in your area, and tell her she needs to dump the guy on line, I do not see him respecting your home or her duties at all.

It can be hard but in time as you grow and learn well you may become that man to give her everything that she is longing to have in her life.  It is not an easy road, yes it can work but it will be a lot of work for you both, and never stop talking just you and her.  make it a point to sit down and hold her and talk with her for at least 20 mints each day even and you will see her be in your arms more then the dude on line.

Thanks for the questions, I hope that I have even helped you in some small way.  Hang in there everything is worth fighting for, well in a good way at least.

One question if I may...what game online is she playing?

awhitecloud

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for the reply. The on-line game is Second Life.

Answer
I feel for you as I am finding a lot of people that play Second Life that are taken with the BDSM bug and it just is not the same in real Life at all.

I wish you well and I hope that you can find someone at least in a local group who you can talk with and all.

It might be different if it was someone that is live and close by and expected her to tend to her family needs first.

Please join www.fetlife.com and find a local group and well see if you can at least get more help to understand it as well to find local people, munches are a safe way to meet others.

Thank you again and I do wish you well.  if you do join fetlife look me up I have the same name there, i will help you the best that I can.

awhitecloud