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Expert: - 4/4/2011


Question
My new hook-up is a sub, and very interested in rape fantasies. I'm new to this, and really want to make the fantasy work, but don't know how to go about it. I'm worried about crossing the line, or hurting her, and I also don't know where things stand between us emotionally. We're close, but not dependent, and I don't know yet if this is just a short-lived fuck buddy or if its something longer. Because I'm looking for something a little longer term, I'm insecure about doing the wrong thing in fulfilling her fantasies, and in not being alpha or dom enough. Can you advise?

Thanks,
Sam

Answer
Hi, Sam, thanks for writing...

Sensitive area.  I'd as her WHY she wants this scene.  Motivation?  Just you or more than one guy?  How does she signal "NO" when "NO" is probably part of the action?

In public?

A play scene (she's at home, you come to the door as a repairman, she is a little surprised, as she hadn't expected you, she has you come in and you start to make moves on her.  She gets alarmed and tries to keep you away.  You push her onto the couch and... ??

Try the book: Sensual Magic.  

If you can find your local BDSM club, see if you can find a senior SUBMISSIVE, not Dom.  Speak with her about it.

Hope this helps.

Feel free to write back if you have other questions.

+++

If you don't know anyone in the BDSM  community, tell my your city and I'll see what I can do.

If you're a member of Fetlife.com, do a search on your city.  It's free, so if you're not a member, you might want to join.  They have "rape" groups on there.

I'm Dr_Bob, so feel free to link over to me as a "friend".

Bob  

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Robert Rubel

Expertise

Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.

Experience

Author of: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice; Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled: Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.) M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course; M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category. ... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.

Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I

Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.

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