Expert: awhitecloud - 4/13/2011

Question
thank you for answering my previous question. my wife has signed a very lengthy D/s contract. She cannot complete tasks I set for her. says she is too Busy with work, kids, school. She was not too busy to text the boy she had an affair with. She tells me no other man has made her cum as much as me. (multiple orgasms even when she claims she "can't cum" "it's not going to work" "it's broken" etc..) At one time after finding out about her affair, she left-then came back claiming she cannot stay away from me, mostly because the sex. she claims no other man has cared about her-it was all about them. She has recently recommited to this marriage, loves the D/s, and we went over the contract line by line. She is onboard with everything and says she trusts me. She is also suffering from some sort of personality disorder. She cannot tell me how she feels. She separates emotions from sex. she has a problem telling the truth and withholding. One of my biggest problems is she is unable to apologize properly. sometimes when she has disrespected me, raised her voice or speaks in a nasty/sarcastic/condecending tone, I ask her to apologize she says she is not sorry and feels she has done nothing wrong ("i didn't roll my eyes-i didn't raise my voice, I was only 10 minutes late-not 20, I didn't do/say that") her response to my demand for an apology is met with "how can I apologize for something I don't feel sorry for?" then she will give in and say "I'm sorry you feel I raised my voice". I am on my last nerve with this woman. I love her with all of her faults and do not judge her. She just can't seem to do as I ask unless we are in the bedroom or out at a club. She has come so far in her affection, housekeeping, fixing dinner, I feel we are so close but something is missing-mostly her emotions and telling me how she feels, what she likes, what turns her on, what she thinks about while masturbating, etc...
How can I gain complete control? How can I get her to open up? Should I just beat her or make her cum until she is a blubbering mess?

Answer
Dutch,

Hello once again.

I have two questions after reading this over and over again.

1. Why is she allowed to ever talk back when you tell her something...a Yes Sir and her correcting the behavior that you have pointed out is all it should be.

2. And do you want her to be sorry or just give you the words, so that you feel better?  

The biggest thing I am seeing is that she is allowed to much freedom of say and to run her moth when you say something.  She is allowed to talk back and to argue and speaking her mind should be allowed in her journal and there only.  

You need to start being a Dom she is pushing you and well she is also winning.  There should be no back talk, you need rules, and then the consequences for not following the rules.  Take it back to the basics...write the rules have her sign them as well.  And then stay on top of her, it will be work she has had this freedom for a while and learned her way works.  You maybe punishing two or three times each and every day for awhile.  She will have to see and learn your not giving up and it can not be her way but yours.

I hope this has helped I am willing to keep trying to help you, but it would be easier out side of all experts now I think.  Could you please join www.fetlife.com it is free and look me up I have the same user name and am in Yakima, WA....thank you.

I hope this has helped you some it is not going to be an easy fix and you have to take a stand on what it is that you want, and stop allowing the bad things that frustrate and bug you the most.

Good luck and I do hope to see you on fetlife soon.

awhitecloud