Expert: Robert Rubel - 6/27/2011

Question
Hi Dr. Bob - from reading what you've written, I think you can help me with my questions. After toying with various aspects of a D/s relationship for years, my husband and I are trying to move into a more consistent lifestyle along these lines, maybe even moving into a Master/slave relationship.  I plan to do some intensive training of him over the summer.  All that being said, we also have two adolescent children, and I can't find any information about how to stay consistent about his role while not disrupting our children's understanding of their world.

In addition, I do value my husband's advice and co-parenting with me, so I don't want to lose that, as it is important to me. I'm sure there's a way to maintain that within the context of a M/s relationship, but a little guidance would be really helpful.

Finally, in addition to your book (which I will track down), if you have any other suggestions about training techniques I'd be very grateful.

I would be very grateful for any advice you can offer me, or any connections I should make. I'd be particularly interested in talking with another woman in my situation, if you would be able to connect me.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to answer all my questions. I'm tired of our up and down involvement in this lifestyle and want to fully commit to it in the right ways.

Answer
Hi, Elizabeth...

Thanks for your patience with me about answering you...

Now back from Alaska.

I'd recommend that you join www.FetLife.com -- free   They have lots of "groups" on there that deal with training and M/s and such.  That way, you'd get a VERY broad range of answers to your questions.

Training is really about writing out the protocols that you want him to use.  It's about training another person to serve you.  

One suggestion...  

If he is to proffer advice, you may want him to use a protocol for signaling that advice, such as...

"Ma'am, with respect, Ma'am, it seems to me that..." or ...have you considered

You might try this site: http://bestslavetraining.com/Theory.htm  I've not read it in depth, and it's been years since I went over this site, but it impressed me.

Please keep in mind; since the slave is highly motivated to please Master, I'd focus on positive rather than on negative feedback and keep the "punishments" from getting heavy.  I distinguish between "correction" for a protocol violation and a "punishment" for a contract violation.

Concerning the kids -- let them know that you need private time, just as they do.  Explain that you've spent years meeting their needs, now it's time that they help you to meet your needs.

This help?

Bob