Expert: Miss-L - 1/7/2012

Question
Hi miss, I am confused about what am feeling, I am with my master long distance we are not online because we do visit each other and plan on living together in the next year. I wanted to know why I feel the way I do and if I should be feeling this way miss. When my master tells me it's bed time (12:30, and yes it is 4:33 which means I am misbehaving) and I don't want to go to bed I get really upset because I know I have no choice. It also happen when he asked me to cut my hair to shoulder length I cried when we were on skype because I really really did not want to do it but I did because I knew I would disappoint him. And when I do something wrong like swear and he tells me that I am not allowed I always close my eyes and bow my head and sometimes cry alittle even if this all happened in txt. Miss am I normal? I did not feel this way with my prior Dom. I am young miss and I just don't know what is happening to me.

Josee
Sorry for the spelling I am French miss

Answer
Hi Josee,

Two red flags go up immediately after reading your question.

1) You describe yourself as "young"

2) You did not feel this way with a previous BDSM relationship.

I am not going to get into the semantics of age however, despite age, if you feel you are being forced to do things, anything, that you do not want to do then you need to stop or seek lawful assistance if you are unable to stop of your own accord.

Cutting ones hair, bedtimes, etc can all be used as a fun exercise of power as long as it is between two consenting adults. It sounds as if these things don't make you happy (and you are breaking the rules because you want to). If you want to continue your relationship with your current dominant and you don't already---establish limits and safewords! Personally, I would never insist my submissive cut their hair if they were in tears and I use bedtime restrictions as a playful tool when necessary. Nothing about what you've described seems enjoyable from your end.

I can't condone or judge what your dominant is doing, if you are allowing him to control you in this way. Though you sound conflicted with the events.

Wanting to have someone control you is not a strange desire, having someone control you un-checked might be making you feel unsafe and for good reason.

Before even considering moving in with this person I would sit down and ask yourself if this is something you really want because on paper it sounds like it isn't. Stop now before you are in a more compromising situation and any real damage is done and ask yourself if this really is the right dominant for you.