Expert: Robert Rubel - 1/5/2012

Question
I am so fed up with D/s at the moment that I am thinking about quitting it and never going back. I am fed up with confusing communication (and henceforth "ruining the mood" with it), non-clarification, and the whole thing being blamed on me.  My "Daddy" instinctively blurs the lines between roleplay and reality while I am left being hurt by a comment such as, "I will have other sluts get me off instead of you." And "I don't care about what happened to your mother, you are just a submissive slut." And I am never sure what to say back, and when I do say something, I get punished for "talking back." Can he not see that I am miserable?

Am I just not right for this? Help...

Answer
I'm not sure that you'll like my answer.

As preface, I'm 67 and have been in a Master/slave structure for 9.7 years.  I'm also the author of a four-volume set of books on Master/slave relations of which the third book in the set is on communications.

What you've written screams of psychological/emotional abuse.

The only faintly possible explanation would be that he could have Asperger Syndrome and be disconnected from his emotions and also unable to read your face -- two typical symptoms.  You might want to look it up on Wikipedia.

It's not D/s or M/s that you should consider quitting, it's this particular man.  Additionally, the first book in my set (Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice) has about four pages specifically about the characteristics of a "Poor Quality Dom" (there is also a section on a poor quality submissive).

Feel free to ask follow-on questions and thanks for writing.  I wish that this year brings resolution of this relationship and a discovery of a new relationship that is congruent with your own values and needs.

Bob