Expert: Master Nanuck - 1/27/2012

Question
I am currently in a long distance relationship with a beautiful girl in the UK. She is very much into being abused, and dominated and such, and we have a very fulfilling relationship, as I very much enjoy indulging her.

Our problem lies in her not being able to do things for me. I'm not trying to sound selfish here, and am actually quite satisfied with things as they are, but she want's to be able to do more for me, and feels guilty that she can't.
The majority of the issue is pictures, and video and such. Anytime I ask for a picture or anything really and even when I send her things she feels a large twinge of guilt, she gets really upset, not being able to provide. I think she has such low self esteem she can't bring herself to send pictures of herself, or even let me see her on webcam. I know she wants to be able to do these things for me, but just can't bring herself to. I try and do my best to make do without, finding other things we can do instead, even when I yearn to see her more than anything.
it's even harder when most of the things I find to help with D/s relationships involve pictures and such things. I would really like to help her find a way past this issue. I constantly re-enforce how beautiful I think she is, and try and let her know in creative ways. I have racked my brain trying to make her feel good about herself, and when I do(rarely) get things from her, show her how appreciated she is, and how much I love what I got.

Thank you very much in advance for your time and advice, If I haven't been clear enough on any point I would be very happy to elaborate.

Answer
Dusty

Sorry to hear about your woes.  I however, feel it sounds more like love and romance than BDSM.  That being said a couple points, long distance is always very difficult.  The emotional support and encouragement people need is not something that can be handed out over the web. There is always a lack of intimacy and genuineness that comes from the electronic medium. The reinforcement takes time, effort and level of contact that sometimes is just not there with chatting, email and even skyping.  I strongly believe that relationships can ONLY grow with direct contact and I shun cyber with a passion.

Now on the second concern I have, essential most subs/slaves are this because of something in them is wired wrong, and they have usually very low self esteem.  Many on revel in their roles because of this, and actually look to have this image reinforced.  Undoing this may actually cost you a sub instead of improving your relationship.  I truly believe the coupling of her low esteem and lack of willingness is directly tied to the remote nature of your relationship  so the best way to correct this is to remove the distance.

Now if you really want to rebuild the person, do so in small steps. I figure the pictures and vids you are asking for are of an erotic nature.  Withdraw that condition and simply have do things that are total vanilla and film them. build her comfort level and ability to trust you. Over time slowly increase the level such as bathing suit pictures then underwear pictures.  It takes months to overcome someones shyness but if she is serious it will happen.

As her comfort level and trust increases more and more erotic settings or conditions can slowly be applied.  However, if you remove the distance and take her into your home then the need for this resolves itself anyways.

You have to realize it is a factor of trust and comfort. Fix those two and with the appropriate level of domination (not love) what you desire will occur. If she does not respond to this, then likely she is not as sub as you think.

Aramock Nanuck
Mentor and Master