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BDSM/female slave with dominant personality

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Question
Hello.

My Master/husband has required my assistance in a matter of great importance.

He is at odds on how to train me. He is familiar with the training of service slaves but thinks those methods wouldn't work with me. I have a strong personality and he is not used to that and doesn't know what to do with me. I am not disobedient or disrespectful, don't misunderstand. it's just that cooking and serving all his needs don't DO IT for me on a daily basis. I need to be mentally and physically dominated and controlled. It calms my mind and gives me a break from the overanalyzing, controlling and micromanaging habits that I have. Although I also enjoy pleasing him.

Do you have any suggestions on how he can start training me? Any help will be appreciated, thank you.

Answer
There are a few schools of thought on how to "train" a submission (from my perspective, training simply means getting your submissive partner to understand and provide what you want).

First is to recognize you enjoy pleasing him and that submission means you will do things to please him that you don't necessarily get direct pleasure from.  Under this approach, he basically says:  here's what I expect, now do it.  It would be best if, when he receives the service, he acknowledges it and shows his appreciation (which might mean giving you a beating).

Second is to set up protocols.  Here is what I expect to get done, how I expect it to be done, and when I expect it to be done.  you know the expectations; do it.

Third, since you like to "feel" the dominance - both physically and mentally - is for him to being more expressive in giving you directions.  For instance, if he grabbed you by the hair and dragged you into the bathroom and told you he wanted the sink, toilet, floors and tub sparkling clean before he came back from work might provide the affirmation you seek.

Fourth is to use a reward system - sort of like getting stars on the chart in elementary school.  you do the assigned tasks, he provides a good beating (or whatever else in BDSM-land that you both get off on).

Note that I'm not saying what I believe is the "right" approach - since there really isn't a right one, but there is a right one for each of you.

Best of luck,

Ben

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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