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BDSM/How to treat his sub

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Question
I am in a poly relationship as his Prime, but he recently took on a sub. I am not in the BDSM lifestyle. He considers her his sub, but wants me to treat her as another girlfriend, and be her friend, etc. I feel he is unclear on the BDSM lifestyle, and "wants to have his cake and eat it too", as my feelings have already been disregarded in favor of the sub several times now. There are some trust issues, as she runs to him with every little thing I say, twisting it to curry favor with him, but when I defend myself, I'm "picking on" her, or not "seeing her side", and that I need to "be more friendly" to her. I've stopped talking to her altogether because of this, but now he's angry because I'm "shunning" her. He says I'm getting bad advice from other experts who say that if she is his sub, she is NOT to be treated as a girlfriend by me, ever. I am getting mixed messages. I cannot trust her, and do not want to be her "friend". That was NOT the original agreement when he said he wanted a "sub". My question is...in a situation like mine, how is the Prime Partner supposed to treat their partners sub? She's not MY sub, she's HIS.

Answer
You need better communication for all members of the household. Maybe sit down with him and come up with some house rules as well what roles each member of the house hold is responsible for. No house will work at all if you do not all get along as well trust each other.

Most of the time when a Dom takes on a new sub, well you have had each other together and known each other, as well what role they are to take inside the household.

This is not about sides you are both equal and your role should be held higher then hers and she should be coming to you to learn how to do things in the house the way that he wishes then done. I do not understand your place as it does not even sound like you know where your place is and that is sad.  

I am sorry I am not much help to you, I wish I could be more help. But you need to be talking with the Dom and trying to work it out through him on the issues you are having and he needs to be on neither side to deal with the issues at hand.

I wish you luck.

Awhitecloud

BDSM

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awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

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