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Question
Dear Mistress,
I have been with my Dom for only 3 months now, not a very long time. When we first met we discussed how important communication, trust and honesty are. Without this there cannot be a D/s relationship. In the beginning everything seemed to be going great, we would talk, e-mail or text everyday. He would ask me to masturbate and send Him videos. Here in the last couple of weeks He has stopped replying to my text and e-mails. Says He doesn't know when we will get together again and has shut me out. When I try to talk to Him, He says He is not in the mood. I have so many feelings, and thoughts that I need to tell Him,that He needs to know about, but how can I if He won't talk to me? He has been ignoring me, I'm not sure if He realizes what this does to my mind. I wanted to masturbate for Him and send Him a video (I enjoy doing this for Him), His response was He didn't care. This has never been the case before, He has always cared. I can not think of anything that I have done to displease Him in anyway for Him to start treating me this way. Why all of sudden the change? I cannot get the answers from Him if He refuses to communicate with me. Do I some how force Him to talk to me? If so how? I have already decided that I do not deserve to be treated this way, I do deserve respect, and do not wish for it to continue. I have many strong feelings for my Dom. I appreciate the time I do get with Him. If He continues not to communicate, is this a sign He is wishing to end D/s relationship? Should I end it? I am so confused and unsure at this time. I look forward to any input you may have on this.

Answer
kristy

I am not the Mistress you seek, but I will try to address your questions.  It is a sad thing to have a truly focused and devoted sub excluded from the life of her dominant.  To that end if you had failed him in some way perhaps he would be justified.  However, I see no hint of wrong doing in your email.  Yet, I do see that is was a cyber relationship.  I have found over the years very few cyber relationships are worth the effort or survive.  This can be a bridge to a real relationship but it must be focused on such and I get the hint this was not the case in your circumstances.  There are a number of reasons why he could have decided to shut you out and I shall go through each.

1. He want something real, and when that was not forthcoming his concept of always masturbating for fulfillment was a rather empty experience and he had enough.  This would also explain why he lost interest in even seeing your videos...

2. He found someone real and hence has given his focus to that relationship, and decided your did not warrant even that explanation.

3. He was not really a dom, and was only using this for his fill of free porn where he could play at domination.  This could easily be the case if he felt your emotions were getting to locked on him, and he would run the risk of being exposed for a fraud.  It would also account for why he would avoid you now as he does not want any more telltales revealed by him.

I am pretty sure you (as a submissive) can not force someone to talk to you. If you were the dominant and in a physical relationship, it is of course possible in a bondage session to take the torment and torture to the point any person will talk.  But as a sub you are merely the vessel for receiving and not the implementer of the torments.  Mind games may work for one try but quickly would result in you getting cut off and blocked from all normal communications channels.

I personally feel that your relationship is at an end. No dom ever totally cuts someone off except as punishment.  But an explanation that it is coming and the duration of it is always a precursor. Where you have none such it is not a punishment but a statement that he does not want to communicate with you.

I wish I could give you better news or a more positive outcome but alas I fear not. If you wish to discuss this further merely drop me a line.

BDSM

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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