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Question
I am a soon to be divorced woman that used to play D/s where my spouse was my Dom. I have been away from that life for at least 10yrs now.  I crave it and have decided to seek a Dom recently. I have discovered, thru e-mail with a Daddy Dom, that I have interest in the dynamics of the DaddyDom Daughter relationship. I think I am a good fit to this lifestyle. We have communicated via e-mail/phone and I am already having strong (positive)emotions toward his treatment of me.
My question is he gave me homework to find out what a collar and leash are for. Now I know from past experience what the collar implies, but I also know it could represent different things for each couple.  From an item that identifies ownership to something more binding then a marriage certificate.  My worry is if he wants to give me a token similar to in his mind to a collar is this too soon? Although I think his intention is only to collar me so as to identify that I am his daddy daughter so that no other Daddy Dom has rights to me.

My other question is do you have any suggestions for me to do further research on this subject? (Daddy Dom/Daughter) There has been limited sites I actually can gather info from and none really about the "scenes".  I also seek information on what's referred to as Mind Fucking.  btw I am already on Fet Life as a member :)

Thank you for any assistance you may provide

Answer
Congratulations on discovering yourself and a potential Dominant partner.

It appears your primary concern is whether the collar signifies something more significant that you feel ready for.  Reading your email, it isn't clear if he intends to give you a collar, or if it was just a homework assignment to research the significance.  And even if it was an assignment with a bigger, predatory purpose, it isn't clear that he intends to collar you immediately - or 3 years from now (which makes answering the question of "too soon" difficult.

So let's step back a minute and ponder a few things:

1.  A collar doesn't make a relationship.  It is symbolic.  What it symbolizes is for the two of you to discuss and agree on.  It could be mean many different things  Perhaps your completed assignment could serve as a jumping off point for a discussion of what he thinks it symbolizes and what it means to you.

2.  Whether the relationship is progressing too fast (or not fast enough) is again something for the two of you to talk about.  Since you're recently out of a long-term relationship, you may have reservations about entering another relationship too soon. Share that concern with him.  He needs that input to factor into his decision making.

3.  Anyone new to the Lifestyle (and many that have been around for a while), needs to explore what works for them.  What is it about a Daddy/daughter relationship that appeals to you?  Do you have ideal elements that you'd like to include?  fantasies?  How about concerns and limits?  Think those over and discuss them openly and honestly.

As to resources, this is not a dynamic I'm interested in and don't know of any specific books or other resources.  However, I do know FetLife has many groups devoted to the dynamic.  Read discussions.  Ask questions.  Perhaps find someone (another "daughter" that you feel embodies what you seek to be and have a private email conversation.

Any new relationship has challenges.  It can be difficult to share your vulnerabilities, fantasies and needs.  But that's also the underlying beauty of the Lifestyle.

Enjoy,

Ben

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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