BDSM/hurt in need of comfort
I was am new to the sub dom relationship. My former Dom found me less than six months ago and introduced me to this lifestyle. Master Dom trained me well and the few times I did use the safe words he was proud of me for stopping. I thought we had a relationship. Then last week He sent me away last week and refuses to speak with me. He told me to, "move on". I don't know what I did and I am going crazy. I tried to apologize and told him I would do better, but he stated, "there's nothing you can do I am sending you away". He has made it clear that he no longer wants to be with me, so instead of being a creepy stalker, where can I go to find a dom that wants me? It seems that the lifestyle is limited where I am from and I am afraid of putting myself out there for risk of being hurt. I just don't understand and I want need this.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. Ending any relationship is difficult. Having it end suddenly and surprisingly even more so. And it is made all the more difficult in a D/s relationship because of the level of attachment and vulnerability.
It sucks. Unfortunately, it will continue to suck. Until it doesn't.
The first step is understanding that it's over. We all try and understand what happened when a relationship ends. We rarely get a complete answer. No matter how much you reflect on things, you'll still only have your perspective. Sometimes that will lead you to decide you failed. Other times it might lead you to conclude he was jerk. I obviously don't know what the truth is. But the more that you can honestly reflect, the more that you can learn from the experience. What things did he do that you liked (and I mean behavioral patterns and style of Dominance not just kinky activities)? What things did he do that you didn't like? What things did you like and dislike about your actions, behaviors and thoughts? What would you do differently?
Take time for this reflection. When a relationship plays such a central role in our self-definition - and happiness -- it's tempting (OK, very tempting) to quickly search for a replacement to fill the void. Resist the temptation. you need to take some time to process. you need to take some time to reflect and learn. you need to take some time to heal. I'm speaking with the voice of experience.
Once you know you're ready (and there won't be a sign from the heavens, you'll just wake up feeling differently one day), then you can start your new search from a position of strength (yup, a submissive should feel strong). I don't know where in Indiana you live, but there are probably others in the Lifestyle near you. It isn't a dating site - more like a BDSM FaceBook -- but FetLife is a place where you can participate in group discussions and find events (munches, workshops, discussions, play parties, etc.) near you.
And keep reminding yourself: If he doesn't want you, then that's a relationship you don't want to be in.