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Question
Hello Mr. Martin
I was curious about how to become a submissive, and where I could find the proper Dom or Domme for myself. I have just become interested in this submissive thing, and I am interested in learning new things, would you be so helpful as to give me some pointers on how to go about everything?

Answer
Gaabrielle --

"submission" means different things to different people.  For some it is about kinky sex, for others it is about how a relationship is structured and operates (with the submissive given authority to the Dominant).  

From my perspective, the first place to start is figuring out what it is you want.  How you go about that depends on you and your learning style.  For online interactions, I find one of the best places to be FetLife.com - it is largely structured as a BDSM version of Facebook.  There are lots of groups organized by interest areas (anal sex, bondage, Master/slave relationships, etc).  Regardless of interests, I would encourage you to look at the Novice & Newbies group.  It is a wonderful place to ask questions and explore.

There are also numerous books that detail basics of BDSM play (S&M 101) to the operation of power-based relations (Robert Rubel has several).

The other option is to attend munches (social gatherings in "vanilla" places, workshops and dungeon parties.  I'm not sure where in California you're located, but I know LA, San Francisco and Sacramento all have active communities.  Again, on FetLife you can clock the "events" tab and find lots of local activities.

Enjoy the journey!

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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