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Hi there, I'm still still fairly new to the Master Slave relationships..but early on in my life I noticed that i was a very submissive person. I ended up doing some research on what a sub was and found that the idea really appealed to me, I started writing fan-fictions about myself that was really enjoyable until my parents found them and a book i had about the subject...it didn't go over well and needless to say they were burned. That was when i was fourteen, and the event made me think that what i was doing was bad..so i ended up suppressing those thoughts

When i turned nineteen I met a really nice man online, we started really talking to each and the subject of S&M came up and he told me that he was a dom. So we started a long distance relationship starting out very slow with sweet little rp's that slowly grew when we were more comfortable with eachother, but later in the relationship he would ask me if i could do such and such to him...I honestly tired to please him because this was the man i cared about and not only on the M/s level.

I did as much as I could...but ultimately I'm a sub through and through. He's still my Master and love and were still seeing eachother but to me it's just not the same anymore. I can feel that he's not really happy, I've mentioned the thought of seeing a different Master and Mistress so that were both satisfied but that was shot down in an instant and the thought of breaking up just hurts to much. I'm just not sure what to do now, and the experience with my parents has stopped from really wanting to farther than the Internet right now...

Answer
Melody?  Lillith?

Anyway, there is a bit more here.

If your a sub, you're a sub -- at least for now.  If he's a sub, he's a sub -- so far as your relationship goes.  You'll not succeed in changing him to a Dom any more than you'll succeed in getting him to grow two more inches.

I'd say you would benefit from joining a local group and learn about this style.

First, I recommend that you join www.Fetlife.com  If you go on there (it's free) send me a friend request (Dr_Bob) and look over some of the GROUPS.  And sign up for the events page.  And find some local clubs.  And introduce yourself to some of the senior submissives and find one that will help you transition into our lifestyle.

Here are some resources:

Good Starting Points – Applies either to Leather or BDSM.
http://promisetoplaysafe.com/values.html
http://www.sensuoussadie.com/resources/newtobdsm.htm
http://www.drkdesyre.com  go to her “resources” link

Events -- weekend conferences where you get OUTSTANDING crash-course in BDSM skills and relationship issues.  Attend conferences whenever you can.  I attended 10-12 within my first three years.  THE listing of BDSM events everywhere:  www.thebdsmeventspage.com/main1.html

Books if You’re Just Starting Out in BDSM
• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
• Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame
• When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton
• The Loving Dominant by John Warren
• Sensuous Magic 2 Ed: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia

Scan the list of best-selling Amazon books – updated weekly: www.bdsmbooknews.com/top100/#0679769560   Buy those that seem to fit.

Core Readings as you Advance
• Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
• The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
• This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters
• The Control Book by Peter Masters


Write back if you have further questions.

Bob and Jen

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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