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I am new to the lifestyle only been in it for about a year or so. I do have a Master and we have been in a M/s for about 3 months now. He knows I have trust issues. He has been chatting with another sub for awhile now and I am just not comfortable with her. I do not trust her at all. And now I come to find out he has accepted to train her. As His slave is this something normal for a Master to do? Without making sure His slave is ok with this?

Answer
amanda -

I can tell that you're hurting and that your faith and trust are shaken.  Unfortunately, I can answer what is "normal" - since there are no standardized rules for how Master's run their relationships.  More importantly, I don't know what he may have said to you about his polyamorous interests or how he would conduct additional relationships.

What I can tell you is how polyamory works for me.  When I have chosen to take on additional partners, this has been my approach:

1.  The primary relationship needs to be stable before additional partners are added.  Bringing in others doesn't fix a problem, it tends to make it worse.  Both Master and slave should be secure in the relationship.

2.  Only add others that are aware of the primary relationship and respect it.  Bringing in someone who hopes to "win out" is a recipe for disaster.

3.  Make sure each person understand their role and value - and ensure that there is time available to support each relationship.

4.  Foster open communication.  I don't want drama.  But I do want people to air concerns and problems so they can be addressed before they fester.

Note that I didn't expressly state that I want the "consent" or approval of my slave to any additional partners.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't ask.  Rather, I choose not to formalize and suggest that the slave has veto power (and hence the control).

As I said, I don't know what your Master told you either upfront or once he began searching for selected an additional partner.  I would encourage you to talk with him now - with little emotion and absent any accusation.  For instance, you could say that you want to understand what this new relationship will be and how it might affect your relationship so that you can best continue to serve, please and support him.  Listen to what he says.  Don't look for a fight.  Don't go in seeking affirmation that you've been "wronged".  Genuinely seek to make it work.  But if it can't, then you also have an answer.

I hope things turn out for the best,

Ben

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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