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Question
Hello there Robert,

I have been into BDSM since I was young and have missed it. I have realised that what I do miss is having a master however do not know where to start and look for one. I have always been the sub in any relationship I have had, but would like a full time master.

Would you be able to help in where I can start and look for one? As I have no idea.

Thank you

Answer
Hi, Sophie...

Thanks for writing and I apologize for my delayed reply: I'm on a 10-day trip that ends next Tuesday.

In a general way, you may wish to consider becoming the person that the person you're looking for would find attractive.

What skills do you have?  How good are you at conversation, music, literature, etc.  If you want a guy involved with sports, go where those kinds of men are, etc.

What BDSM skills do you want in a Master and are you ready to bottom to those skills?  Are you on a Leather or not-Leather path?  (Not-Leather = straight BDSM)  Do you want a recognized Senior (someone recognized as a Master) or someone who thinks they could learn to be a Master -- in which case you'd have to do much of the training.

Do you belong to a local BDSM group?  Local MAsT chapter (Masters And slaves Together)?  Are you on Fetlife (it's free)?  Do you go to BDDSM or Master/slave weekend conferences?

Here are some resources:
There are six conferences held around the US that are specifically for people practicing Master/slave relationships.  These are:
•   International Master/slave Conference, Dallas, March (the largest of them all)
•   Northwest Master/slave Conference, San Jose, CA, March or April
•   Southeast Leather Conference, Atlanta, April
•   Great Lakes Leather Alliance, Indianapolis, IN, August
•   Master/slave Conference, Washington DC., August
•   Southwest Leather Conference, Phoenix, January


Books if You’re Just Starting Out in BDSM
•   Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
•   Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame
•   When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton
•   The Loving Dominant by John Warren
•   Sensuous Magic 2 Ed: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia
•   SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman (a bit academic, but discusses safety issues for most sm activities you’ll experience)

Core Readings for Master/slave
•   Ask the man who Owns Him by david stein with David Schachter
•   Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel (This will provide your best opportunity to get an overall understanding of Master/slave relationships.)
•   Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel
•   Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – the advanced course by Robert J. Rubel
•   SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools by Guy Baldwin
•   Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice by Guy Baldwin
•   Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household by Machele Kindle (Master Fire)

Hope this helps.  If you join Fetlife, I'm Dr_Bob -- you're welcome to send me a friend request.

Write back if I can be of further help,

Bob  

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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