You are here:

BDSM/I feel bad for punishing my submissive, is it normal?

Advertisement


Question
I love that I have the power to punish my submissive, but I hate having to punish him.

Weíre an online couple, and I have grown to care deeply about him, and it is a legitimate relationship!

One of the aspects of our partnership is the TPE, and he cannot come without my permission. A rule is that after playing around, and I give him permission to come, his response is to see if I want to come first. The few times Iíve said yes, itís a very simple dirty story about us to read while I pleasure myself.

Itís a very simple rule. The first time he forgot to ask, he was ordered to take the belt to my cock 5 times. The second time, it was something like 15 times with the belt and 24 hours of no coming. The third time it was 30 with the belt and 1 week of no coming.

Last night, he forgot again. I donít doubt his submissiveness, which is a question Iíve been asked. I know in throws of passion, being teased for hours prior, etc., its near impossible to think about anyone or anything else besides coming. Iíve been there as a submissive and itís near impossible to think. But not completely impossible.

Last night, his consequence is a full month of chastity. And, for a week he has lost his human status. Heís now not allowed on the furniture and when at home, heíll be eating off the floor, and he is for the week to be referred to as Ďití.

Realizing this is the fourth time heís made the mistake, I donít think my punishment is too harsh, but I feel horrible. I know he feels bad, because he wants to please me. But he needs to learn!

Is it normal for a Domme to feel so bad for punishing negative behaviors? I wonít do it, because I know he needs it, but I have the urge to revoke the punishment. I hate calling him Ďití because heís so much more than that. But I had read about that word and punishment, and thought it would work and thought we would like it.

We debrief and do post care. Iíve checked in and asked how he felt having to sleep on the floor, how he feels after his last chastity, etc. I will keep up with the caring through the punishments, but it is breaking my heart.

I knew I was a Mommy Domme, but this is making me unhappy, what the hell should I do?

Answer
Punishments are hard and some are harder to hand out as well wait out in the end. I know many that have a great deal of trouble with handing out punishments. If it does not work this time around I think you need to change to a different sort of punishment so that attention to change is taken.

I wish you well, hang in there hold your ground and stay the course in what you say.


Awhitecloud

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.