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Question
my question is a simple one, at least i am assuming that it is simple?  i am wondering if a Master feels tremendous pain when He does not hear from his slave, just as a slave feels the pain when she does not hear from her Master?  And reading my question may imply that i am asking for revenge reasons but that is not so.  my question is pure and my intentions are honorable.  i am just in a relationship where suddenly my Master has stopped talking to me and there appears to be no reason other than the normal stresses of life that are going on strongly outside of our relationship.  i feel certain that his feelings for me have not changed but he knows that not talking to me is killing me (and even causing me to vomit!) and yet he does not seem to care?  i am just trying to figure him out and i am wondering if a Master also feels pain when communications with His slave cease?  i should also add that He does still communicate with me once a day, but only once by way of a text message and he does not return my texts if i send Him any.  We have been involved in a long distance relationship for six months and we are planning on living together and even getting married as soon as we are able and that should be in the month of May.  i do know that He is very stressed out on his end.  Not with me but with life.  Thank you so much in advance for any help that you can offer me.

Answer
Tonya -

I'm trying to look behind your question to assess what's really bothering you:

* are you unsure if he's as vested in the relationship as you are?

* are you hoping that he feels at least some of the pain and anguish and "emptiness" that you feel?

* are you afraid that it is something other than life stressors that is taking him away?

The reason I'm encouraging you to consider these things because if the "truth" is exactly as it appears on it's face - things outside your relationship have him preoccupied, then I think your response options become more clear.  One is to simply show empathy and realize it isn't about you - and the best thing you can do is show understanding, compassion and patience.  The other approach is to let him know that you realize that he's busy with "outside" things but as his slave, and given that you intend to share a life together, you're available to help in whatever way you can - providing a sounding board, emotional support, doing tasks that can be handled remotely, whatever.  

In both of these options, your focus is on him and on service.

However, if your concern is deeper and reflects an uncertainty or insecurity about the relationship, then that's the issue you need to address.  While you can choose to wait until things have settled down for him, you might need to do it sooner.  My only suggestion is to be respectful.  Rather than statements that start with "why have/haven't you...." Instead let him know how you're feeling  (e.g., "I've been feeling disconnected" or "I fear that I'm somehow losing you...").

It isn't an easy situation - only made more complicated by it being a long-distance relationship.

I wish you all the best.

Ben

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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