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i am a legitimate slave, on a never-ending quest for a real Master. i've tried Craigslist (dangerous, i know), but to no avail. Most of the Men that respond are only looking for a sex slave or just a one night stand... i am looking for a ltr with a real Master... i'm a domestic and sexual slave. i choose to obey in the bedroom as well as in everyday life. It brings me a considerable amount of enjoyment and feeling of being whole. Are there any websites or chat rooms that are made specifically for slaves and Masters to meet each other? Any other websites like Craigslist? Any advice on how to pick out a "real" Master? Please help. Thank You for Your time

Answer
stephanie -

I understand the frustration in finding a suitable partner for a power-based relationship.  Take the challenges of finding any compatible person, then add to it the need for a shared perspective of the desired power dynamic, and it can seem like an impossible task.

But it isn't.

There are kinky websites.  Some are intended as a place to find partners (like CollarMe).  I would recommend against them.  Rather, I'd encourage you to get out in your local community and meet people in person.  It might be that you stumble upon a potential Master.  Or it might be that a friend you meet there knows of someone.  But there's just a qualitative difference in meeting in person.

A great site for finding out about local events (munches, workshops, open play, etc.) is FetLife.  It is essentially the BDSM version of Facebook.  There are groups intended for people interested in meeting people.  But it tends to be the one sentence exchange.  In addition to finding out about local events, you might find someone indirectly through FetLife by finding someone whose comments in a group thread speak to you.  It can also be a valuable resource for asking questions and exploring interests.

Regardless of which avenue you choose, it's important to understand what you are looking for.  "Real" is a subjective term.  I realize you meant it to me someone serious about the Lifestyle and not just looking to fuck.  But it's important to realize that there are different styles of Dominance and its component parts (leadership, management, communication).  Knowing what you are seeking out of a relationship will help you know what to look for.

Best of luck in your search,

Ben

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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