Expert: Phoenix Master - 2/3/2012

Question
I've been an active submissive since 2005. I've been trying to get my fiance interested in the D/s lifestyle. I've found a kink of his, which works well because it's also a kink of mine... Daddy/little girl. I love calling him "Daddy." I love it when he calls me his "little girl;" his "baby girl." I love talking about how naughty it is that he touches me, etc etc. The only things that sunk in my stomach are the two times he said something along the lines of "It's so naughty when Daddy fucks his daughter." Key word being daughter. We have no blood relation at all. I have a daughter. He's dated a woman with a daughter before.

I love him, and I trust him. We're getting married this year... I'm nervous about that one thing. Everything else about him is wonderful and perfect... But I can't stand the thought of anything happening to my daughter. I was sexually abused at a young age (my brother) and it messed with my head for many years. It breaks my heart to think these thoughts; I'm tearing up as I type this...

I just need to know, does this happen often with Daddy/little relationships? Should I be worried? He's been amazing with my daughter and she adores him. I never had any worries about potential sexual abuse until those two events. (The two times he called me "daughter.")

One of the reasons I'm fretting so much is because I dated a guy that told me that he wanted to be "with" his family. As in, incest. I left him immediately. I'd never let anyone harm my daughter. Ever. I'm just so worried - I love this man with all of my heart, but if I have to choose between him and my daughter, it's really not a contest. I'd do anything to keep her safe.

With a wedding quickly approaching and expenses racking up, I'm tormented over the idea that I may be setting up my family for a nightmarish ending. On the other hand, everything may be perfectly fine and my fiance is just kinky with no desire to be with children. (I feel sick to my stomach, just typing that.)

Please, please help. I need your advice - I'm desperate. I love him with all of my heart. My daughter is my whole life.

Should I be worried? Is "daughter" a term that's used a lot in Daddy/little relationships?

Answer
Greetings Kai,

I have worked in the mental health system for well over ten years plus. I can’t say for sure if your daughter would be safe, simply the one thing that is standing out in my mind is that you aid he has incest fantasies. Again I can’t say he will or wont act on these fantasies. What I do know is that with you being traumatized by your brother you can’t afford to take chances. As for Daddy/ littles relationships usually nothing like that has ever happened with my years of being in the life style.

I would like to make this suggestion, tell him how you feel, tell him whats bothering you. If he truly loves you he will listen, maybe some pre martial counseling might help. if need be I can help in finding a BDSM friendly therapist in your area (yes they actually do exist). But the first and foremost thing you need to do is make 100% you and your daughter will be safe, this means that you have to think with your head and not always with your heart, you have two lives at steak here. From reading your post I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders, and you need to pat yourself on the back.

So the bottom line is this, I have never heard of any incest in a Daddy/ girl relationship, but this doesn’t mean it don’t happen. If you are uncomfortable be honest with him and yourself, tell him how you feel. Suggest some BDSM friendly pre-maritial counseling. This will tell just how far he would go to make sure this is the right relationship for you both. You are a mom first and a baby girl second.

I hope this has help shed some light on it. If you have any further questions please feel free to contact me anytime you wish.

William