BDSM/BDSM?

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Question
Dear Miss-L,
I don't really know where to begin. I recently discovered that BDSM was a thing, and that it wasn't just me being weird and having creepy but really satisfying fantasies.
Here's my issue. I'm a female teen in highschool, obviously living with my parents. I've sort of been brought up to think BDSM was a strange and terrible thing, and recently I realized that I think I am into it.
I think that if I were ever to take part, I would be the role of sub, I think, but that's only something "in the bedroom," I guess you could say. Normally I'm a fairly dominant person, with a big personality, I'm strong, independent and proud. But I wish that I could just forget about that sometimes and let someone else control me and have someone else make decisions when it comes to that, and other sentiments like that, which is where I've gotten the idea that I would be a sub, ideally.
Is it uncommon for people to have opposing "personalities" in the bedroom and in real life, like I do?
Also, I'm wondering if you have any advice on how to come out about it to my parents? (I've already come out to them about being bi, which they were fine with, but this is different and I'm a lot more worried about this than I was when I came out about being bi.)
And any advice that you could give about where to go from here, like what happens after you recognize your interest in BDSM and determine which role you think you fit in to, would be extremely helpful. (Assuming anything I would theoretically do would take place after I turn 18.)
But honestly, having confirmation that it's not just me, that other people like this too, and that I'm not a freak, would be nice.
Sincerely,
Morgan

Answer
Hi Morgan,

Thanks for contacting me. It's great that you have some identification with your sexuality. When I was younger I didn't put much thought into the things I did having a direct correlation to BDSM. It wasn't until I was older and had a bit more exposure to different ideals that I came to that conclusion. I imagine with kink becoming a more mainstream idea the road to self-discovery has been different for you.

In regards to you asking if it's uncommon for people to exhibit opposite personalities while in the bedroom I'm going to say not at all. A lot of the submissive men I see have powerful jobs or roles in day to day lives. That's not to say dominant personality-type people can't also be dominant in bed (such as myself) however it is not unheard of or uncommon to be of opposite personality when it comes to sexuality.  It really just boils down to doing what comes naturally.

As for your parents I'm not sure you should come out to them about it. I mean would you want to hear about their sex life? Unless you are planning on taking extreme risks (which shouldn't be the case), it's not really their business. If you have the type of relationship with your parents where this would be something normally discussed then I would not discuss it with them until you're comfortable coming explaining what it is, which also means understanding what it is first.

Most BDSM sites are geared toward legally eligible viewers but in the meantime you can check out http://www.scarleteen.com/ it might help you with some questions you have or at least being able to talk with others your age about your interests. Once you are of legal age you can look for a local munch to go to and meet others who are like you. No matter what age you are always BE SAFE. Never do anything you don't want to do. Never share information that is sensitive with others, and above all else if someone creeps you out, listen to your internal instincts.

Good luck!  

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Natali Noir

Expertise

I can answer questions related to Mistresses/Dommes and their relationships with subs and slaves. I can answer questions about different fetishes, give advice, explain BDSM and dungeon etiquette or just explain overall BDSM practices and protocols as I've learned. I can also help with creative ideas related to kinky scenes, role-plays, punishments, or rewards.

Experience

I've been into BDSM for about 10 years and I've a Mistress for 8 years and have had my fair share of subs and slaves. I have experience with what it's like to be on both sides of the paddle.

Organizations
I'm part of the local TNG and Black Rose, and several FemDom groups. I also frequent the BDSM clubs and parties in the surrounding areas.

Publications
www.mundanetoms.blogspot.com

Education/Credentials
I have no educational credentials in this area, only years of firsthand experience and knowledge gained through reading, workshops, and listening to ideas from other individuals I deem more experienced in certain BDSM areas.

Awards and Honors
I write my own blog.

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