BDSM/Confused

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Question
I am a 41 yo male and I am looking for some guidance or help as I am just starting to realize I am a Dom.  Recently, I have started a D/s relationship from a woman I met on an online game.  To tell you the truth, I am not sure how we got to that point.  Regardless, she is a new submissive and was interested in me being her Dom.  I know many people are not in favor of online D/s, but I also have a big problem.  I am married, in a vanilla marriage, to a woman who will not indulge me in my needs.  I do have two kids under four, and greatly love my family.  My wife has always told me she would divorce me in a nano second if I cheated, so the online appeared safer option.  I joined FetLife and plan to attend a slosh or mosh, if I can somehow convince my wife Iím going out with some friends.  Since I have young kids, going out has not been a normal circumstance.  Anyway, I love my kids, and started this process to learn better Dom behaviors.  Through this journey, I realize I must have always been a Dom.  I had a first wife who was submissive, but we were not meant to be.  As I said, I love my (second) wife and family, but this online request has spurred tons of old feelings.  I am not sure how to handle this or how to go about it. I know I have zero chance of my wife indulging or agreeing for me to pursue, so I have to do it on my own.  But I do not want a divorce or lose my family.  I am open to suggestions, thoughts or any help you may offer.  But seeing this site and all around makes me wonder why I never sought this out before.

Answer
Okay get off the women you met online.  If you want your family, leave her alone.  You need to be honest with yourself, if you wanted the family so badly would you have even allowed yourself to mess with another? In my book you have already broken where you should be with your wife. If you can not have your needs met at home suck it up and live it you made that commitment.  Or if you most get away from it get a divorce and be honest and upfront with yourself on all accounts.  You are hiding on this I want my family carp and sad to say your just trying to make what you feel guilty for doing okay in one way or another.  You want the cake and to eat it as well.  Your not being honest and being a Dom you should be honest as well respected, how can anyone respect you when your not taking care of what you need to be doing?  All the time your on line in some game why are you not helping out in the house, reading to the kids or even just spending time with your wife?

Sorry this just is a sad place for all involved.  And I am probably not the best person to come to, as you will not get what you wish to hear from me at all.

It is not okay...leave the women from on line alone and get to being a Dad that the kids can be proud of as well respect.

thanks for the question, and I wish you luck. Get a metal cup and start wearing it so you are protected when your wife finds out.

awhitecloud

BDSM

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awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

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