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Question
I have recently started a D/s relationship.  I asked my dom recently if some of the things he said he would do to me he would actually follow through.  He asked me if I was challenging him and I said yes.  He got extremely annoyed and said he would punish me for challenging him.  I apologised and said that I would except his punishment as I was wrong.  But now he will not speak to me.  I've tried texting, Emailing etc, but he will not answer my pleads.  Have a ruined the relationship.  Is it possible he will forgive me?

Answer
I can't tell you if he will respond or if he will be open to continuing the relationship. That's for him to decide.

What you've learned is that the "sent treatment" can be an effective form of punishment.

It would be good for you to reflect on what else you might have learned. Here are some things to consider:

1. Do you want to be able to expect or demand certain activities?

2. If you wanted to communicate disappointment or anxiousness, is there a different way you could have said it?

3. Could you have been more aware of his reaction?

4. What might you do differently next time?

5. What do you think is the best way to communicate your apology and what you've learned?

Best of luck,

Ben

BDSM

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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