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BDSM/master-slave relationship

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Question
um...I was recently introduced to the master slave relationship...I showed interest into it to an experienced master...he wants to train me and what not to be a slave...I understand limitations and the ideal of the master slave relationship is more than just sexual it is a lifestyle that uphold an ideal that is embodied in the Master. I was wondering what I should expect in the "training/breaking" process...?

Answer
ali -

From my perspective, every relationship has a power component (husband/wife; teacher/student; officer/student; parent/child; boss/employee).  What distinguishes BDSM relationships is that the power component is intentional, consensual, and celebrated.  Rather than being a source of conflict, the power dynamic is a source of pleasure and strength.

Master/slave relationships are more expansive versions of this power dynamic -- with the transfer of control being both deep and wide.  What that looks like will vary with the individuals involved.  The relationship can focus on sexual service, or be non-sexual; it can include a lot of rituals and rules, or be free of those regimented routines; it can presume punishment as a means of behavioral correction, or it can be free of punishment and rely on other means of education.  

Given this diversity, there is no one single answer as to what "training" entails.  From my perspective, "training" is simply the process of a Master teaching a slave what behavior, actions and services are expected.  

As a result, my suggestion would be that you approach this Master to understand what he has in mind.  There is no universal requirement that a slave agrees to transfer control to any approaching Master.  It is something you evaluate whether it works for you, and negotiate the framework.  Here are a few issues you might to explore together:

*  What areas of your life does he intend to control (sex? where you live?  work/school?  friends/family? finances?)?
*  What experience does he have in running M/s relationships and controlling these areas?
*  What are the areas in which he wants to train you?
*  What methods of training does he use?
*  What are his relationship goals?
*  Will the relationship be monogamous or polyamorous - and how will that work?
*  What motivates his desire to own a slave?
*  How would he handle your failure to meet a directive?
*  Can you talk to any prior slaves or others in the Lifestyle that can provide references?

Knowing your own answers to these questions will help the discussion.

All the best,

Ben

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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