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Question
I have been what you would call a submissive in all relationships. However, I am in a new one and looking to be the domme on occasion. I'm very laid back however I can be very controlling when needed. Do you feel that I could on occasion be that Domme? My partner and I have never been BDSM, but have tried multiple things and feel that this will help our relationship.
Please help, I have only been Domme once and I felt very empowered so to speak.

Answer
Hi, Angela -- thanks for writing.

You're asking a surprisingly difficult question.  How "dommy" one is is a function of a bunch of variables including how you were raised, whether you normally hold leadership/managership/team-lead positions, how you do on the "command presence" scale.  Much of this can be learned, but as a woman you're bucking Western culture.

I'm 68 and a man, but I've never been very dominant and, in fact, live with a Domme.  I CAN be dominant if I have to be, I'd just rather not be.

So -- in a relationship do you want to provide the larger vision and leadership or not?

If yes, then I'd suggest you go onto Amazon or B&N and search for "The Mistress Manual" and then also look at books that Amazon will have tagged as "related".  You'll also want, "The Control Book" by Masters and perhaps some of the books for guys who are trying to learn how to be "Alpha Doms".  

I surely wish you the best, and feel free to write follow-on questions should you have any.

Bob

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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