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BDSM/getting "paralyzed"

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Question
Dear extremeslave jack,

i am a new slave to my Master.  i met Master on a BDSM dating site where we talked for a long time until deciding to finally meet (safely) in person.  However, in the beginning i was identifying myself as a submissive and not a slave. At the time i was unsure of exactly what i wanted, but also of what exactly a submissive and slave meant to me.  i was also attending munches and fet events in my area.  Master lived four hours away in another state so we only saw each other when He could visit me or i him.  As things progressed between He and i, with he as my dominant, and i as his submissive, it was i who started to want the slave title, or rather i expressed that i would find myself wanting to call him Master instead of just Sir.  i was scared of telling Master this but when i did he was very happy.  Fast forward to now: i am now Master's slave and property and i have moved in with him.  i am still very new to BDSM though.  i had only just entered BDSM for about a year before i met Master.  So the transition into the new lifestyle and as a slave is still very difficult for me as i try to please Master fully.

My question:

One of my biggest obstacles right now is this- when Master gives me a command or asks something of me, if i don't know exactly what he means, am having trouble, or have doubt in my ability to do it i go into this almost "paralysis" as Master describes it.  Whats worse (and embarrassing to admit as a slave) i will get defensive. For example, last night Master and i were sitting on the couch together and he told me to sit up.  i did what i thought was sitting up, but he again repeated the question. i started to get upset and testy because I thought I was sitting up. Master then asked me a third time and used his hands to position me how he wanted.  i got upset because i felt that Master wasn't being descriptive enough. i know this is completely the wrong way to react as a slave. i am supposed to always respect Master and try my best to please him happily.  i shouldn't take his corrections personally and get upset.  i think i react this way because i am really upset with myself for failing at pleasing him.  As a result i think i get into this "paralysis" mode where i get defensive.  My question is do you have any tips or advice for me?  i wish i was able to remain in my submissive and slave mindset always, but i am not there yet and unfortunately i get defensive.  Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Answer
tinker

I noticed this had moved to the pool, so I figure I would answer this for you from a Dom's perspective; jack may well be out of touch for the time being.  The hardest thing for people to do is to submerge their independence, and free will. Surrendering that takes time and composure.  I have taught all of my slaves to meditate, it is a great exercise to gain composure. The other thing to do is simple drills, take each phrase a s a command... act on it instantly without thinking about it, just do. Talk to your dom about helping you with this,  also humiliation training.  It is very easy to get defensive, even easier when being humiliated, once you can take humiliation and not flare up to it, then the defensive mechanism will begin to wane.

To be honest with you this is another area where your dom should have been working intensely with you.  Clearing your mind is probably a help here as well so the meditation exercise can help here as well.  I hope this helps a little.  

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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