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BDSM/Am I a Submissive?

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Question
I do not know much about the BDSM lifestyle but am very serious about discovering my submissive personality.  This is a new world for me and I want to know for certain that I am a natural submissive.  I have always been painfully quiet, shy, naturally want to always please others (within reason).  I have never been comfortable being aggressive or dominant in relationships.  When guys want a take charge woman, it scares me to death and it's not something I can ever handle, nor do I want to.  

I simply want to explore this so I can better understand my submissive nature.  It's scary for me because I don't know how to proceed because I do believe deep down that I want to be a submissive but want to be fully informed.  I'm hoping to gain an understanding of how a D/s relationship may be what I really need and want.  I've been dealing with these feelings for so long now - I don't know where to start.  Please help,

Thank you,
Cheryl

Answer
Well, my first question to you would be "Are you SEXUALLY submissive?" There is a big difference in being a submissive person and being a sexually submissive person. Although the two can go hand in hand, just because you have a submissive personality does not mean that you will necessarily enjoy BDSM or a D/s relationship.

Here are a few things to keep in mind: https://www.facebook.com/notes/a-submissives-initiative/so-you-want-to-be-a-sub/733291256699751

From there I would say do lots of research on what D/s is and what BDSM is. You can check out websites like www.fetlife.com or www.asibdsm.com for info and to connect with others. I would also recommend Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns as a basic read or SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. Those are both good starter books.


My biggest piece of advice is please, please, please take the time to learn before getting involved with someone. This might seem like a daunting task, but it is worth the wait not to get burned by someone looking to take advantage of a new submissive. Ask lots of questions about activities or terms you aren't familiar with, find a role you feel comfortable in and try to reach out to your local community as well. If you find a place nearby that does seminars or teaches, those are great places to start too! Good luck!

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Jessica Cocker

Expertise

BDSM lifestyle, Dom/sub relationship, daddy/little girl relationships, BDSM theory and practice with real life applications, sadism and masochism, bondage application with some rope/shibari experience, BDSM toy information, BDSM and bondage safety, I can answer questions regarding M/s based on research, but I have no experience in a M/s dynamic.

Experience

7+ years exploring the lifestyle, 1+ years in 24/7 DD/lg relationship, 1+ year at A Submissive's Initiative

Organizations
Founder/CEO of A Submissive's Initiave, Founder/CEO of A Dominant's Initiative, Founder/CEO of The Safe Submissive

Publications
www.asibdsm.com

Education/Credentials
Self education, along with educational research for A Submissive's Initiative. 3 years into my Bachelors in Early Childhood Education, with experience working in the field.

Past/Present Clients
Currently guiding my Daddy through exploration of his DD side, as well as providing mentoring to several people through A Submissive's Initiative and providing supporting through A Dominant's Initiative and The Safe Submissive

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