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Question
my boyfriend and i started to be in a slave /master relstionship. i want to learn and be trained. he tries to but i end up fighting him every step of the way. im a natural submissive. how do i not fight and just give in?

Answer
Natasha -

You get there by being on board, accepting his authority to make decisions, and finding pleasure and comfort in your surrender.

The question is: what's getting in the way?

There are a lot of possibilities: you may have a strong will and face challenges letting go; you could be questing his ability to make good decisions; you may want the illusion of surrender - giving control as long as he makes decisions you like; or you could be "testing" him.

To work, an M/s relationship needs to be a partnership. While it is an imbalanced one, you still need to be on the same page. Sit down and talk. Discuss what each of you want in an M/s relationship, any boundaries on his authority, what works for building structure, and why you're resistant.

I'd also encourage you to join a MAsT group or similar organization to interact with others that have chosen this dynamic. It can provide friendship, sounding boards, and a wealth of information.  

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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