You are here:

BDSM/Experimenting

Advertisement


Question
Hello, I am a new comer to the alt lifestyle and have researched it on internet. I feel that I am dominant. I have tried putting myself in the position of a sub. I have spanked myself with leather belt, bamboo stick all over until I was red and stung. I tried nipple pain, slapping my face vey hard yanking on my hair real hard, used household devices to try anal, and found this does not arouse me doing it on myself. Is this normal? The idea of doing it on a women does arose me.

Answer
Ron,

giving yourself pain one way or another is not what it takes to be submissive.. You are learning that you do not enjoy pain problem is you do not have to get pain in order to be submissive.. Begin submissive is so much more than just the play its the service and the need to take care of someone and the devotion they will have to do that. In short service is what it can be that makes someone submissive.

As for your not liking pain, well this just shows you do not wish to be a bottom in the S&M community. You do not find any pleasure in pain and that is a good thing to know.. Now as for learning about the lifestyle in a manner which will make you a good submissive or Top you need to find someone you can submit to in your community and allow them to teach you more about what it is you wish to learn.

If you haven't already I would sign up for Fetlife, get to know others in your area, attend munches and or Demo's..

Good luck

Lady Aryana

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.