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Question
Hi. I have been married to my husband for 3 years and we have a loving vanilla relationship. My husband is mostly an alpha male who is in a position of power in the outside world. So he is used to leading and being the boss in his professional life. Our marriage also is sort of husband-led in a non bdsm way. My problem is that I am a sexual dominant. I always fantasize about putting my husband over my knee and giving his delicious bottom a good hard spanking or tying him up while I have my way with him or controlling his orgasms and so on. I am comfortable with my husband taking the lead in other aspects of our relationship but sexually I feel unsatisfied with a non-dominant role. I haven't spoken about my desires to my husband fearing that he may just laugh it off or refuse outright. Do you have any idea on how to persuade a man who is very much in a dominant role in his professional life to be a sub inside the bedroom?

Answer
Alisha,

I can not tell you how to persuade your husband into being submissive, although I can tell you alot of men and women in higher position jobs are very submissive behind closed doors.. Some do not even know it is what they need until someone points it out to them.

I would start out by showing him this msg, and talk to him about what it is you are missing.. He might or might respond to it in a manner you do not see happening.. Although on the same token he might just tell you he can not do it. Although as your husband and spouse he *as well as you* should be willing to at least talk about it, learn more about it, and try to do what is best for the relationship and marriage.

I can suggest to you a few books which you can show him as well, which can help him understand this just isn't a whim of a idea for you

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women

I would also considering simply turning the tables on him, although in a loving manner of course until he understands it is not all about pain. Cook him a dinner, and make yourself his dessert, along with maybe taking a few of his ties *or get some at a thrift store* and tieing him to the bed and having your way with him ...

Small steps until you both understand what it will do to your relationship.

Lady Aryana

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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