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BDSM/Cuckolding relationship

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Question
Jessica,

I've been very interested for quite some time about being a cuckold in a cuckold relationship. I'm currently engaged and I've had a fantasy for a long time of my fiancÚ getting taken right in front of me by a better endowed guy while I pleasure myself. I have also desired getting verbally humiliated by my fiancÚ while this is taking place.

I want all this to happen very badly but I also don't want to risk damaging our relationship and possibly our marriage. Part of me thinks she'll be negatively affected by this and won't agree to it. The other part of me thinks that she might agree to it or might agree to try it just once.

I think she might simply because of what she suggested during a rough patch that we had while dating. She suggested dating each other and dating other people at the same time. While this idea was hurtful to me, it also really aroused me as well. This is when the fantasies started. I've also heard her comment on how she thought a guy that we both know is very attractive. A smile came across her face when she said that and I was a tad bit hurt but much more aroused.

I know that if I were to ever bring this up to her, our relationship would never be the same, regardless of what she would decide. I would hate to upset her and create a rough patch but I also wonder how I would do if this fantasy of mine always remained a fantasy. I also wonder how she'd feel if this was something that would just be done once every couple of months. I wouldn't need it to be a constant thing. I also worry about her falling in love with another guy in all this.

Anyway, it's hard to know what to do. This is something I really want but I know if I ask her, I could be paying a big price. Or, it could turn out to be an unbelievable and erotic plus for us. What do you think I should do and how should I approach this? What are some other things that I should keep in mind while I decide? Thank you very much for your help!

Answer
Hi Ross, this is a particularly tricky situation because I can only give you advice and can't really help you make a decision. What you do will be entirely up to you and what you feel is right for your relationship.

However, I can relate to this situation a lot. In the second year of our marriage my husband and I went through a "rough patch" where I expressed the desire to be with more than one person. This hurt my husband, but he was willing to try it because 1. we loved each other more than anything 2. I took his feelings and suggestions into serious consideration and 3. we put in place very strict rules for exploring our new open relationship.

In the end, we found that dating other people just wasn't for us, but we know that it works wonderfully for many other couples and families. In the end I don't regret expressing my desires or that we had to work very hard to get to where we are today, it made us closer and helped us transition to a comfortable place within BDSM where we feel we belong. (You can read the full story on our website: http://asibdsm.com/how-bdsm-saved-my-marriage-and-gave-me-peace-of-mind/)

You might want to just bring the idea of cuckold up to her slowly by maybe casually mentioning it to her during foreplay and gauge her response to it. You can also suggest going through our BDSM checklist, which includes cuckold, and see how she ranks that idea there. She may not even know what the term really is and then the two of you (together) can research it. http://asibdsm.com/product/bdsm-checklist-download-free/

There are a lot of "what ifs" that can occur, but really it depends on how you feel about this in your heart. If it keeps tugging at you, or if you think you might stray in order to satisfy this urge, then you should talk to her. It is better to know then to still be wondering about it 20 years from now.  

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Jessica Cocker

Expertise

BDSM lifestyle, Dom/sub relationship, daddy/little girl relationships, BDSM theory and practice with real life applications, sadism and masochism, bondage application with some rope/shibari experience, BDSM toy information, BDSM and bondage safety, I can answer questions regarding M/s based on research, but I have no experience in a M/s dynamic.

Experience

7+ years exploring the lifestyle, 1+ years in 24/7 DD/lg relationship, 1+ year at A Submissive's Initiative

Organizations
Founder/CEO of A Submissive's Initiave, Founder/CEO of A Dominant's Initiative, Founder/CEO of The Safe Submissive

Publications
www.asibdsm.com

Education/Credentials
Self education, along with educational research for A Submissive's Initiative. 3 years into my Bachelors in Early Childhood Education, with experience working in the field.

Past/Present Clients
Currently guiding my Daddy through exploration of his DD side, as well as providing mentoring to several people through A Submissive's Initiative and providing supporting through A Dominant's Initiative and The Safe Submissive

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