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BDSM/dominating my gf

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Question
hello, iam 23 and my gf is 20, she always tells me she likes me to be bossy in bed, to force her to do stuff or to torture her sexually, to do strange and kinky things with her, she likes to feel dominated. but we both dont know what things to do or like what?! any ideas?

Answer
There's lots of things that can be done - from verbal humiliation, to bondage, to impact play. The question is: what do BOTH of you enjoy?

The best way to find out is to review a BDSM checklist together. You can find plenty on the internet. As you review the list, separate the activities into three categories "enthusiastically yes," "maybe" and "not going to happen."  The next step is to start with the list of activities you're both enthusiastic about. Something's require almost no learned skills - like spanking on the ass. For things that require learning skills, don't skimp - you don't want to harm your partner. You can learn at classes, through videos and books.

Now remember: just because you both are aroused by an idea doesn't mean it will be great in reality. And things need to be consensual. So talk before. Have a "safe word" to stop the activity. And talk afterwards.

Go slowly in your exploration and enjoy

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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