You are here:

BDSM/Everyday M/s Conversations

Advertisement


Question
BrianR,
I know this may sound silly, but I'll just jump right in. I am almost completely ignorant to the way a slave must speak to her Master. I've been talking/seeing this guy for a few months, and we have spoke off and on about things he likes, including the fact he is a Master. I had heard of BDSM and M/s but no matter how much I thought I may have known, I was wrong. In the short amount of time I've had, I would like to think I've learned a lot, but I still feel like I am slacking. We aren't even on this specific full level in our relationship, but with everything I have I want to please him. I guess my main question boils down to this. I have not been collared or 'made his' yet, however when we get in certain conversations, it leads to a new way of speaking. How am I supposed to respect him with my words and 'speak properly' when I am not at all sure what that means? I was really hoping you could help me because although I am not his slave just yet, I want everything I do, say and feel be what pleases him.

Thank you in advance, and I apologize if my question was too wordy.

Answer
Hi Jade

You used as many words as was necessary :)

Let me start by saying that this comes under the general heading of "protocols" (rituals, activities, or behaviors which you do every day) and are as wonderfully different as the individuals involved. So having said that, I can only give you my perspective and the final authority needs to be your Master.

For example; my slave calls me Daddy. While we were preparing for the Northwest Master/slave competition during a training session she tried calling me Master (we had discussed it earlier and thinking that this is what the judges would expect perhaps we should give it a try.)  One of our evaluators said "Mel, I don't think you should call him Master Brian because every time you do you roll your eyes." :)  During the competition she said "Anyone can call him Master but only I get to call him Daddy." For us, overuse of Master seems artificial. For me, I am comfortable with who I am and my authority and responsibility over/for her so I don't need the ego reinforcement. HOWEVER we are also husband and wife, live together 24/7 so this protocol, for us (emphasis -for us-), isn't necessary.

If we were not living together, using Master can help to reinforce the power dynamic both in his mind and in yours. He may require you to call him Master, or you may choose to do so.

On Fetlife (I am BrianR on Fetlife and my girl is MelR if you would like to talk with her) there is also "slave speak." in slave speak a slaves name is never upper case, that is reserved for Masters and Doms. Slave speak can also be in the third person "this slave asks Master if she may ..."). To those who incorporate slave speak into their protocol the intention is to reinforce the subservience of slave as a reminder of their status.

For me, I believe in proper English grammar. My slave is slave Mel, when she writes it is in the first person singular, as she was taught in school. But again this is "our protocol" (which you can read as "my rules" :) ) Plus I find reading slave speak to be very time consuming and so frequently will simply skip over any posts which do not use proper grammar.

But again, this is the decision of your Master I can only provide my perspective.

Midori (very well known rope artist, author, professional presenter) says in her class on protocols - "Protocols serve the relationship, the relationship does not serve the protocols."

What she means by this is that if protocols, your expected behavior, his expected behavior, feel good, feel exciting, feel fulfilling, make you happy, then they are good protocols. If, to the contrary, they don't feel good, are not fulfilling, don't make you happy, then perhaps they should be reevaluated.

In my experience the Master will impose protocols which stroke their ego while a slave will ask for protocols which fills a need of the heart.

To have my slave kneeling naked at the doorway when I come in is really hot. We did this when we were long distance and could only get together every six months for perhaps a weekend. But I didn't require it, so when she did this it was a wonderful gift of service which I still remember 6 years later. Was it a protocol? No, not actually as I never said "You will always ...". But it is "typical slave behavior" which delighted me (and her as well). We are married, and except when I travel see each other every day. Would this be a good protocol for us? No. She has good days and bad days, and something like this looses it's charm and power if over done. If we were still long distance? Yes, I would make this a protocol for our first meeting as it would help us both get into the proper mind set.

So let's return to how to speak. With respect. Always. Even if you are made or upset, disrespect can cause irreparable harm. Goes for him as well. My girl is a bit of a brat, and I've been told that they think she is disrespectful towards me. My response is "she is as I want her to be." Their protocols are not mine, nor should mine be theirs.

Thoughts on using the term Master. My personal feeling is that M/s relationship is very serious. I've known Masters who have waited five years before collaring their slave. So my advice is "don't rush in." When a Master takes a slave, they are taking not only authority of another person but also the responsibility for that person's welfare. While using the title Dom may not quite have the power of Master, a D/s relationship allows for much more exploration and latitude on both parties because it is not as "intense" as a M/s relationship. A Dom does not have to assume full time responsibility for their submissive as a Master should (even in a long distance relationship). But again these are my thoughts only.

For one way of approaching one form of M/s, " I would recommend "The Marketplace" series by Laura Antoniou. This is a work of fantasy and not real life; but do a really good job of describing the what many think of as the "fantasy of Master and slave". For another perspective of Master and slave, I would recommend "The Servant Master" by Master Skip Casey <a href="https://fetlife.com/users/88251/posts/391723">

Some relationships use the Master/slave protocols from the John Norman series "Gor"; however I will reserve further comment on the applicability of these protocols lest I be accused of promoting a "one true way" style of M/s relationship. They can be hot however, but perhaps at least in my opinion, sustainable in fantasy and not in 24/7 real life.

If I can help further, or if I have cause more questions to arise, please feel free to ask again.

Thank you again for your question! It was engaging and made me think! :)
Brian

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.