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BDSM/Is this lifestyle for me

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Question
Hello,I'm curious about the Dom/sub lifestyle but am also nervous.It started when I read 50 shades of grey (yes I know lol) but there were so many parts that clicked.Whilst i am not a virgin I probably have the sexual experience of a 15yr old and I want more than feeling bored and expecting more and being disappointed. I need someone to take charge with me and not let me shut down or bluff my way out but I dont like humiliation or mind control or games.The idea of pleasing makes me slightly breathless.I am very shy, polite and have trust issues and have some mental bagage from a recent breakup but nor am I weak.Sometimes I feel like I want to smacked or whipped especially if I feel bad though I am not a masochist I was hoping this lifestyle could help fill the void I've always had or have I the wrong idea? I know you cant "tell" me but your advise would help me so much.Even though I read that book I absolutely take this serious and with great repect though I dont want to be romantasing an unrealistic idea . I'm sorry if I sound confused but it is difficult to put all I think or feel into words.I look forward to your reply and thank you.

Answer
eli,

It is clear to me that you have sub leanings, potentially masochistic. In actual fact this lifestyle is as much to allow people to explore their sexuality and kink in a non-judgemental way as any other mechanism I would suggest that you read up more on the lifestyle. 50 shades of grey has unrealistic expectations of both sides of the relationship, and the protagonist is potentially a questionable Dom. Better books about the lifestyle exists by authors such as,  Jay Wiseman (SM101) or John and Libby Warren (A Loving Dominant, or The New Bottoming) other references exist as well.

I suggest you also look at a couple reference sites such as:

http://www.bdsmdebunkingthemyths.com/Welcome.html
http://www.leathernroses.com/
http://ww1.punishmentbook.org/
http://www.withinreality.com/247.html

Many others exist and numerous sites have links to other places.  My sub particularly likes BDSM fiction (i.e.: The Siren by Tiffany Reisz)and porn but those can be researched online.

If you other questions feel free, a good site for forums is FetLife.com

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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