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BDSM/Wife not totally on board

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Miss L : i am a bit nervous, so please bear with me - thank You in advance. i "came out" to my wife this past August - by this i mean i told Her about my submissive nature and my wish for Her to control my chastity - at first She was very upset but "came around" - so now four months into the situation - i am Her slave , She The Mistress - She hates that word and refuses to use it - She will not embrace any of the D/s situations and when She does it in a very reluctant fashion as if She is "going through the Dominant motions" just to appease me - We/we are very much in love - I bring Her to so many orgasms every night i lose count and me being chaste i cum when She allows it - usually once a week or so - i love this part of it all but i would like to go "to the next stage" with more extreme bondage (we have a tethering set on our bed and use wrist and ankle cuffs - much to Her chagrin) - i guess what i am asking is what can We/we do to come to some agreement on where to go next -
Our/our discussions on this subject have not been pleasant - i do everything around the house She does have to lift a finger - i even warm Her side of the bed before She gets in at night - i am extremely submissive - She has several books on the subject and getting Her to read them -even with of Her free time at home - has been difficult - She balks at taking this relationship to the next step as i have indicated already - are We/we frozen? What do We/we do? Please help - thank You for allowing me to correspond with You - slave j (BTW we are both in our early 60"s and have been together our entire adult lives) slavej

Answer
slave j.

your task is to find ways in which the lifestyle can be beneficial to your Wife. The suggestion that her orgasms are due to your submissive nature will be a helpful point. Incentivizing is key. you may also tap into things She has previously mentioned, if they relate to BDSM, such as your helpfulness around the house, or (potentially) you giving Her a professional level manicure in the comfort of your bed, etc. I find it difficult to believe She would hate such treatment. Perhaps have a discussion about whether or not she's angry at you for refraining from telling Her earlier in your relationship (been together 40+ years and it's NOW you're bringing this up, etc), or if there's anything that's inherently bothering her. Be sure to get to the core of the trouble and assure Her that you are not objectifying her, and you would in fact stop the practice of BDSM entirely if it was Her will. This may be enough, together, to make Her feel better about the change in your relationship.

Madame Rax.

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Madame Rax

Expertise

I am open and willing to answer any questions involving BDSM that do not specifically concern illegal acts involving children or non-consensual assault against an unwilling party.

Experience

I have had BDSM experience in a professional capacity since 2005. As far as personal, non-professional experience, I have always taken the lead in relationships, friendships, and other situational interactions. I prefer to "wear the pants" so to speak. However, this is not to say I wear the physical pants: I am mostly seen wearing skirts.

Organizations
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

Publications
Excitedly, this will be my first foray into professional writing about BDSM, however my vanilla writings have appeared in several publications online. I am the former main web editor of a very popular DIY website, writing articles about electronics, repurposing, and sustainability.

Education/Credentials
I have participated in many educational workshops held by Pro-Dommes. I have also hosted a few workshops involving BDSM issues. I have done extensive research on D/s power dynamics and BDSM. As far as education, however, professional sessions and interactions with clients have provided most of my experience.

Past/Present Clients
I have a multitude of both. I specialize in clients with physical handicaps, rare kinks, edge play, LGBT lifestyles, and other underrepresented or marginalized groups.

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