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BDSM/Advice for a sub in a complicated long distance relationship. . .

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My boyfriend and I have mutually decided to take our relationship to another level of intimacy and have just recently started incorporating more kinks into our relationship. But to be frank, we're both amateurs(seeing as we're basically each others first partners [and regretfully both virgins at that!])/I'm a complete noob and don't know what I'm really meant to be doing. . .
My boyfriend and I met while I was overseas, but only saw each other in real life for about 6 or so days and thus failed to go all the way in regards to sex due to the lack of time we spent together. We decided to start a LDR (what with Him living in the Philippines and me being in Australia) and continue to be emotionally committed to each other despite the distance and being busy with our own lives and not being able to contact each other everyday (what with the two of us being the equivalent to stereotypical broke college students). Eventually more or less after being in a relationship for about 6 months, we mutually agreed to making our relationship a polyamorous one (not that it's really made a difference because apparently no one in their right mind is attracted to us). And just recently we've established Master and sub/pet roles. . .
That's all well and truly good, seeing as I've had a fascination for being acquiescent and submissive for a while and have exposed myself to various forms of media on the topic before, but that doesn't disregard my inexperience and clueless-ness as to where to start...
We rarely contact each other that much; since He doesn't have access to the internet all the time we haven't really been chatting as often, but I do try and make the effort to call him at least once or twice a month. But it's the prospect of "aural"/phone sex that makes me nervous; not because phone sex is a bad thing or anything like that, but because I'm extremely not confident in my lack of skills. . .

I'm terrible with words in general, let alone when engaging in indirect intimate conversation. I'd be much more comfortable with real life physical interactions in regards to sex and even being a submissive pet, but would like to somehow become more adept at the vernacular of things so that I can do my very best to please my Master and help to bridge the distance between us until we see each other next.
What can I say over the phone when me and my Master engage in intimate roleplay?
Other than the simple "Yes Master" or "Thank you Master" in response to what He says, I basically have no idea what to say to keep the conversation going. . .
[Note that any advice will have to be clearly spelled out for me since I seem to be extremely inept and uninformed to all things regarding the conventions of phone sex]

Any advice given is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Emily.

Answer
Emily -

It is understandably challenging to find your groove when the two of you are each new to the lifestyle, spent limited time together in person, and have limited opportunity to talk and email. What you do have going for you is a shared desire in a specific relationship dynamic and a desire to make things work. So let's build on that platform.

The first question to explore is whether you want to use your limited time talking on phone sex. It's done if you do. But given the newness of the relationship and unexplored territory, you might want to use the time exploring and reaching agreement on the key elements of your relationship - or just getting to know each other.

But if you really do want to engage in phone sex during these calls, here are a few hints/thoughts:

The first - and most important - is that as the Dominant he should be guiding you in what he wants. Does he want you to "talk dirty," and say what you hope he'll do to you? Role play a fantasy? Tell him how good whatever he's having you do feels? Or???

One option that I find works well for people having difficulty finding their "slit voice" is to engage in a sort of call-and-response between the two of you ("you're a hungry little slit aren't you?" "Yes Sir, I'm a hungry little slut"). This way he gets what he wants and you learn what things he likes to hear. It also enables him to retain control.

Best of luck,

Ben

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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